[ In defense of Marcoh. He does not have religious TRAUMA, he's just religious. ]
It is maybe unjust in the big scheme, but it is what I've grown up with. There wasn't much point in lamenting about it. when you had to focus on putting food on the table.
[ Marcoh doesn't lament the circumstances of his upbringing at all. ]
If you put your mind to it, you can overcome a lot more than people might think.
[They do. Unfortunately, Viktor has the means... to do it... Horrific. But he could have a nice talk with the Metaphors, yeah.]
Such is the curse of most common men. But every so often, there will be some who have the opportunity to dream. To change things. To make a difference.
[NOT LE'GARDE. I don't like the triple venn diagram here for me. It's.......probably fine. Pay it no mind. He's been in Heaven for almost seven weeks, that has to amount to.... something?]
I guess I will receive a warning from you as well.
[This he has become used to hearing and getting regardless of whether or not Marcoh does it, too. It's really making him weary.]
[Yes, a warning. It almost seems like he won't elaborate, but then he finally says:]
I realized when Jayce, my former partner, killed me, the problem with the world was... emotions. Humanity. When I woke up here, I was convinced that was the answer. Getting rid of emotions. I have to admit, I still am a little, maybe more so after everything which happened here.
I need to evolve beyond the constraints of what I am, so that I can truly help the people who are suffering in Zaun. In Runeterra.
But that went as expected of most of the people here. No one else sees reason.
[Yes. Yes, he would. They are terrible. They are bad and wrong, and they ruin everything. All the work he has put in to make things peaceful and harmonious. And, honestly, they should be removed from everyone completely to speed up the process of evolving into a perfected form.
A single collective of machines.]
Yes, that is what so many others have said. But those cause just as much pain sometimes.
[ AGAIN. NOT BEATING THE LE'GARDE ALLEGATIONS CONSIDERING WHAT HAPPENS IN TERMINA. HEEELP HAHAHAAA
Anyway everyone on this slice of heaven knows Marcoh is gay as hell now. He's thinking of Uruha, and the sheer amount of pain he's gone through the last three days. Hell, the last three weeks has been kind of a nonstop crumble for him; if there was a breaking point, it was most certainly at least two weeks ago, and his utter explosion was just inevitable one way or another. And yet, he's still thinking of that, and also, his sister. ]
There isn't any amount of hurt I would not bear for the people I love.
[ Nothing against Viktor and what he thinks, not at all. It's said quietly, not even as if to really respond to Viktor's with his own stance, but more it's simply to himself. ]
[COVERS YOUR MOUTH. I can't have another smelly guy just left on my driveway like Sazantos who I don't know anything about.
He peers watchfully at Maroch, waiting. He isn't judgmental. The answer doesn't surprise him because other people have told him similar things. Love. The people they love. It's always love, isn't it?
It would be love for him, too, but of course he hasn't got there yet. He's still in his fool's era.]
Would you kill for them? The people you love. Would you kill them? If they were suffering.
[ Three times now. Twice for his sister. Once, in a way, for Uruha, even though it wasn't entirely a choice in his hands -- he could've potentially not been put up on that stage, and once he was, there was no such thing as backing out. But regardless, he did.
He's quiet for the second half. He's never been in that situation before, and that one's a lot harder to answer. If push came to shove, he knows he would agree, say that he would, but putting that into practice would be much harder. ]
[ Viktor these are not the answers you should be taking out of this. To be fair Marcoh literally did have this conversation with Uruha before that if either of them got possessed, would they have the will to do it? And they did agree on yes. But it was certainly something neither of them liked to admit. ]
Maybe, but there is no universe where I would have wanted to give up my sister.
Even happiness can cause some people to unintentionally hurt others.
[He gestures idly with a hand and then lowers it to his side.]
I was a normal man once. I had emotions, and I felt them like anyone else. But after the commune failed because Jayce killed me... I reconsidered what I knew.
So I am now trying to reconcile that once more, after everyone has disagreed with me so violently.
[ Like emotionally don't be like well yeah I DIED.
He thinks. Maybe? It's not so strange that when you hurt enough, you start wishing for the absence of it no matter what the cost is. Marcoh's emotion is a softly rounded concern. Harold... ]
Can't say that's a comparison I expected to hear...
...
It's just that. In a way. I thought some crazy things lately because I wasn't feeling good. There just hasn't been enough time to think.
[ Tfw you go through some crazy shit and then you blink and you end up in Prehevil where you immediately adopt some water bottles and can't think about stuff because you're too busy trying to help them keep it together during tragedy and then you die and you end up in heaven and you again immediately adopt some water bottles and can't think about stuff because you're too busy trying to help them keep it together during tragedy.
Anyway. He doesn't know nearly enough and it'd be way too presumptuous to say he knows anything about how Viktor must feel, but Marcoh knows what he himself feels at least. For example, he wanted that white twink obliterated. And at least at this point in time, he's not exactly strayed from the idea, though he has lingering, rueful hesitations trying to make themselves known. ]
I know. We watched you during trial and... after what happens to Uruha. We had it easier on the other side. At least, I did, as someone who began there.
[You really went thought it, Marcoh. And yet, no one had many complaints considering, even if, as a peace-loving man, he felt bad for Siffrin.
Forgiveness for everyone, as a Jesus proxy.]
Have you forgiven yourself for feeling this way? Has anyone asked... how you are doing?
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It is maybe unjust in the big scheme, but it is what I've grown up with. There wasn't much point in lamenting about it. when you had to focus on putting food on the table.
[ Marcoh doesn't lament the circumstances of his upbringing at all. ]
If you put your mind to it, you can overcome a lot more than people might think.
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People should not be forced to overcome things that others go through life without ever having to think about at all.
Quality of life should be an equality everyone has.
[Sorry that he is insane.]
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[ Honestly doesn't every other person kind of dream about this. Viktor could have a nice talk about this with the Metaphors. ]
I didn't have room to dream of better. What was important was keeping a roof over my sister's head.
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Such is the curse of most common men. But every so often, there will be some who have the opportunity to dream. To change things. To make a difference.
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It might be nice, but I've kind of learned a lesson about trying to change things on my own.
[ Somewhat. Cannot guarantee it would not happen again but he IS aware. ]
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I guess I will receive a warning from you as well.
[This he has become used to hearing and getting regardless of whether or not Marcoh does it, too. It's really making him weary.]
What kind of lesson?
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Warning? [ How do you mean. ] ...That acting out on my own, extremely, causes problems more than not.
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I see.
[Yes, a warning. It almost seems like he won't elaborate, but then he finally says:]
I realized when Jayce, my former partner, killed me, the problem with the world was... emotions. Humanity. When I woke up here, I was convinced that was the answer. Getting rid of emotions. I have to admit, I still am a little, maybe more so after everything which happened here.
I need to evolve beyond the constraints of what I am, so that I can truly help the people who are suffering in Zaun. In Runeterra.
But that went as expected of most of the people here. No one else sees reason.
[Duh.]
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I would not blame you for feeling a lot of emotions after that.
[ So was he. But he also has felt way too much over the course of this game. Way, way too much. ]
The negative emotions are... overwhelming. [ Rage. The desire to hurt. Grief. ] But I can't say I would blame all of that on humanity as a whole.
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And what would you blame it on then?
[He doesn't sound angry or defensive, just curious.]
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It is less who I would blame it on, and more the blaming itself.
I wouldn't want to lose the good things, like happiness. Love.
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A single collective of machines.]
Yes, that is what so many others have said. But those cause just as much pain sometimes.
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Anyway everyone on this slice of heaven knows Marcoh is gay as hell now. He's thinking of Uruha, and the sheer amount of pain he's gone through the last three days. Hell, the last three weeks has been kind of a nonstop crumble for him; if there was a breaking point, it was most certainly at least two weeks ago, and his utter explosion was just inevitable one way or another. And yet, he's still thinking of that, and also, his sister. ]
There isn't any amount of hurt I would not bear for the people I love.
[ Nothing against Viktor and what he thinks, not at all. It's said quietly, not even as if to really respond to Viktor's with his own stance, but more it's simply to himself. ]
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He peers watchfully at Maroch, waiting. He isn't judgmental. The answer doesn't surprise him because other people have told him similar things. Love. The people they love. It's always love, isn't it?
It would be love for him, too, but of course he hasn't got there yet. He's still in his fool's era.]
Would you kill for them? The people you love. Would you kill them? If they were suffering.
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...I have, the former.
[ Three times now. Twice for his sister. Once, in a way, for Uruha, even though it wasn't entirely a choice in his hands -- he could've potentially not been put up on that stage, and once he was, there was no such thing as backing out. But regardless, he did.
He's quiet for the second half. He's never been in that situation before, and that one's a lot harder to answer. If push came to shove, he knows he would agree, say that he would, but putting that into practice would be much harder. ]
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Perhaps Jayce did not kill him out of love.]
Love is just as dangerous as even the darkest emotions.
[People will do anything for love sometimes. Kill. Control. Steal. Maybe love should be the first to go...]
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Maybe, but there is no universe where I would have wanted to give up my sister.
[ And Uruha, now. ]
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He nods, acknowledging.]
That is what makes it dangerous. I accept your answer, thank you.
[Not in a rude way. Just... he does.]
I am trying to understand those same answers from everyone.
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[ Some people just don't try, point-blank. ]
When you say emotions, do you mean even happiness?
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[He gestures idly with a hand and then lowers it to his side.]
I was a normal man once. I had emotions, and I felt them like anyone else. But after the commune failed because Jayce killed me... I reconsidered what I knew.
So I am now trying to reconcile that once more, after everyone has disagreed with me so violently.
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It sounds like what happened may have hurt you.
[ Like emotionally don't be like well yeah I DIED.
He thinks. Maybe? It's not so strange that when you hurt enough, you start wishing for the absence of it no matter what the cost is. Marcoh's emotion is a softly rounded concern. Harold... ]
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[His feelings, subdued, are... disgruntled. Frustrated? Stubborn. He does not want to be hurt by something so trivial, but...
Yes. He was hurt. It hurt him. Did he deserve what he got because of how he had treated Jayce before? Leaving abruptly.]
You sound like Elysia.
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...
It's just that. In a way. I thought some crazy things lately because I wasn't feeling good. There just hasn't been enough time to think.
[ Tfw you go through some crazy shit and then you blink and you end up in Prehevil where you immediately adopt some water bottles and can't think about stuff because you're too busy trying to help them keep it together during tragedy and then you die and you end up in heaven and you again immediately adopt some water bottles and can't think about stuff because you're too busy trying to help them keep it together during tragedy.
Anyway. He doesn't know nearly enough and it'd be way too presumptuous to say he knows anything about how Viktor must feel, but Marcoh knows what he himself feels at least. For example, he wanted that white twink obliterated. And at least at this point in time, he's not exactly strayed from the idea, though he has lingering, rueful hesitations trying to make themselves known. ]
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[You really went thought it, Marcoh. And yet, no one had many complaints considering, even if, as a peace-loving man, he felt bad for Siffrin.
Forgiveness for everyone, as a Jesus proxy.]
Have you forgiven yourself for feeling this way? Has anyone asked... how you are doing?
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[ Almost suffocatingly so. He doesn't answer the question about forgiving; that's much harder to answer. ]
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