but scien just stretches idly after witnessing his own memory, looking almost bored from it. he does not look away from his horrors, but they no longer surprise him. he has always been exactly aware of what he's capable of. he turns to viktor at the question and tilts his head]
Yes. I am closer than I ever have been, and will likely be able to devise the solution in a matter of months.
[ . . . he frowns. his gaze drifts to the side, irritated - but mostly with himself.]
However, I made little progress for sixty years. Adjustments were made to Reliver survivability, but never enough to live to a 24th year.
But I mean to say simply this: even if you seek salvation, know that my way was far bloodier than yours. Intentionally so. It is not a better way, because too many lives were sacrificed at my hand. It is just as corrupt.
[but there is no joy said in this—simply a statement of fact. viktor had once said scien was far more a monster than he is. scien agrees.]
[Why am I becoming more and more of a Scien anti IRL?
Please be less bored with your memories, fucker. Viktor keeps his hand at his throat, but at least doesn't try choking himself anymore.]
That isn't the way you made it sound before...
[Which is irritating, but... he doesn't have the energy to pursue any sort of spite or argument about it. Scien might not give a damn, but he's getting tired.]
You could have just said that to start with, you know. When I asked. You knew why. You could have just said that...
It isn't a wrong assumption. Your way was as bad as mine, if not worse! You could have just said that when I came to talk to you, you...
[OOOO. His brows furrow. The hand at his throat finally lowers.]
You could have just told me there wasn't a better way, and I would have left! Just because you can't feel anything like normal humans can doesn't mean I'm letting you off the hook for being arrogant.
No. You had the wrong assumption about me. Do you think that progress to recreate the human body to circumvent slow, inevitable death is done bloodlessly? Did you think that it could be done without sacrifice?
[scien is soooooo arrogant and he's not backing down.]
The difference between you and me is that I get results.
[THE ARROGANCE!!!!! Mild anger bubbles up in him.]
No. The difference between you and me is I understand there is no point in living at all if you think people like Sky turning to ash holds any merit to your successes!
The difference is I will never believe I'm someone's god or savior, no matter what help I can offer them.
There is always a choice. There has to be a better way.
Incorrect. I've never harmed one of my own workers or companions. The people I sacrifice are those already on death row, so their lives can at least contribute to saving others before they're sent to Hades. I've never once denied my crimes, and yet you seem to be getting angry that whatever illusion you had is becoming betrayed.
You can be as angry as you'd like that your greed led to accidents you aren't prepared for, but you're mistaking your experiences for mine. I'm nothing like you.
[but scien makes an open-handed gesture. even now, he's not angry. he makes factual statements. he doesn't consider himself a god anymore, no, but he will always save more lives than he harms.]
I'm not angry. I know that the disregard for any life whatsoever can begin to bleed right into all life for someone who has a limit on what he can feel. For someone who boredly looks for the satisfaction of reaching his goals.
Eunhyuk. Will you sacrifice him? He murdered me. Sheba? Liu Shouxue? They murdered others. Me? I murdered Sky.
[His hands ball into fists.]
We are nothing to you. Look me in the face and tell me you wouldn't. That you think you're smart enough to sit on the other side of that line and let your workers and companions live even if it meant finding the answers to whatever puzzle has been working you raw.
I've been alive over eighty years. I can say with certainty I wouldn't. There's little point in telling you since you clearly aren't listening but I want to be clear: even at my most desperate, I didn't lose my regard for life.
You're right that none of you mean anything to me. But also none of your crimes are worthy of death. It's something called nuance. Are you familiar? The three of them were possessed and you—for all that you annoy me, you're clearly just stupider and more emotional than you think. You can't trust yourself. That's why you're projecting onto me.
If I truly would be willing to sacrifice anyone, why didn't I let Nosebleed volunteer to die to see if we could come back? Why didn't I kill you for stealing my life's work?
[scien at first glance is a mess of contradictions. sometimes violent, sometimes apathetic, sometimes cruel, and sometimes a person's only hope of salvation.
it's all true.]
I've already admitted I'm likely more evil than good. So why bother acting so self-righteous?
You can't nuance your way out of every single instance. You're going to run into one someday you can't. That has nothing to do with me. That's just how the world works.
[These two are rams who keep smacking their horns together stubbornly.]
You can change. That's the point. You keep falling back on the excuse of knowing you're evil. Change then. There's no progress without change. As a scientist, you know that.
You keep talking as if you know me. You realize you haven't asked me a single thing besides how to defeat death? I don't care to be understood, but you seem to be determined to latch onto these assumptions you make about me without actually verifying if any of them are true. You don't even have rebuttals for any points I've made. You let your emotions get the better of you and run away with your judgments.
Why would I waste my breath giving you any rebuttals when it isn't going to make a difference? You're just as resolute as I am.
[Look, he can at least admit they're both stubborn.]
And why in the hell would I ever ask anything about the man who told me I was better off dead? Huh? That called me a thief, not knowing that it wasn't even me who took the heart at all. It was brought to me by someone else. I didn't even go after it.
I'm not interested in learning anything about you when you haven't even tried to apologize, you let your subordinate do it for you, yet demanded an apology out of me the moment I got here. At least I have emotions.
I listen to logic, you moron. If you made a halfway decent argument, I can acknowledge it fairly. You can keep your emotions—I don't want them.
[he's never wanted them! even now, when he is more willing to consider them in certain situations, he doesn't think they're particularly beneficial especially if it'd make him anything like viktor. but then he'll make a waving motion.]
I also don't care to give you an apology. Dahut gave you one, but I feel nothing toward you.
[he'll shake his head, irritated, before moving to stand. the thing about scien is that he doesn't bother with what he doesn't care to give his time to. this has hit past the threshold of what he's willing to deal with, and so his answer is just... to leave!]
This has become more than I care to endure. The one thing you were right about in this entire discussion is that your opinion means nothing to me.
[so he's not going to sit here trying to earn a change in it.]
It's in this moment, he thinks about Charles. More specifically, he thinks about Charles telling him that Owner is a demon, and that Owner probably won't navigate conversations the same way a human would. That's this, isn't it?
He can't have the same conversation with Scien because Scien is detached from humanity.
And how funny it is, when he prefers machinery, things without complicated emotions and social interactions, yet is so befuddled by any conversations with Scien because he can't figure out how to not put Scien in a more human-shaped box. He squeezes his hands into fists.]
That's half your problem.
[He does clarify, and he does not try to stop Scien because if he does, he knows he might start swinging.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
but scien just stretches idly after witnessing his own memory, looking almost bored from it. he does not look away from his horrors, but they no longer surprise him. he has always been exactly aware of what he's capable of. he turns to viktor at the question and tilts his head]
Yes. I am closer than I ever have been, and will likely be able to devise the solution in a matter of months.
[ . . . he frowns. his gaze drifts to the side, irritated - but mostly with himself.]
However, I made little progress for sixty years. Adjustments were made to Reliver survivability, but never enough to live to a 24th year.
But I mean to say simply this: even if you seek salvation, know that my way was far bloodier than yours. Intentionally so. It is not a better way, because too many lives were sacrificed at my hand. It is just as corrupt.
[but there is no joy said in this—simply a statement of fact. viktor had once said scien was far more a monster than he is. scien agrees.]
no subject
Please be less bored with your memories, fucker. Viktor keeps his hand at his throat, but at least doesn't try choking himself anymore.]
That isn't the way you made it sound before...
[Which is irritating, but... he doesn't have the energy to pursue any sort of spite or argument about it. Scien might not give a damn, but he's getting tired.]
You could have just said that to start with, you know. When I asked. You knew why. You could have just said that...
[Scien would never say that, he knows this.]
no subject
but also he tilts his head, so obviously a vibe of ? ]
My denial of you had nothing to do with this.
[he's also not showing any remorse about what he's done? he's acknowledged that he's the worst.]
What wrong assumption are you making about me?
no subject
[OOOO. His brows furrow. The hand at his throat finally lowers.]
You could have just told me there wasn't a better way, and I would have left! Just because you can't feel anything like normal humans can doesn't mean I'm letting you off the hook for being arrogant.
You're too smart not to know better.
no subject
[scien is soooooo arrogant and he's not backing down.]
The difference between you and me is that I get results.
no subject
No. The difference between you and me is I understand there is no point in living at all if you think people like Sky turning to ash holds any merit to your successes!
The difference is I will never believe I'm someone's god or savior, no matter what help I can offer them.
There is always a choice. There has to be a better way.
no subject
You can be as angry as you'd like that your greed led to accidents you aren't prepared for, but you're mistaking your experiences for mine. I'm nothing like you.
[but scien makes an open-handed gesture. even now, he's not angry. he makes factual statements. he doesn't consider himself a god anymore, no, but he will always save more lives than he harms.]
Go ahead then. Find your better way.
no subject
Eunhyuk. Will you sacrifice him? He murdered me. Sheba? Liu Shouxue? They murdered others. Me? I murdered Sky.
[His hands ball into fists.]
We are nothing to you. Look me in the face and tell me you wouldn't. That you think you're smart enough to sit on the other side of that line and let your workers and companions live even if it meant finding the answers to whatever puzzle has been working you raw.
no subject
I've been alive over eighty years. I can say with certainty I wouldn't. There's little point in telling you since you clearly aren't listening but I want to be clear: even at my most desperate, I didn't lose my regard for life.
You're right that none of you mean anything to me. But also none of your crimes are worthy of death. It's something called nuance. Are you familiar? The three of them were possessed and you—for all that you annoy me, you're clearly just stupider and more emotional than you think. You can't trust yourself. That's why you're projecting onto me.
If I truly would be willing to sacrifice anyone, why didn't I let Nosebleed volunteer to die to see if we could come back? Why didn't I kill you for stealing my life's work?
[scien at first glance is a mess of contradictions. sometimes violent, sometimes apathetic, sometimes cruel, and sometimes a person's only hope of salvation.
it's all true.]
I've already admitted I'm likely more evil than good. So why bother acting so self-righteous?
no subject
[These two are rams who keep smacking their horns together stubbornly.]
You can change. That's the point. You keep falling back on the excuse of knowing you're evil. Change then. There's no progress without change. As a scientist, you know that.
no subject
sooooooooo annoying]
What makes you think I haven't?
You keep talking as if you know me. You realize you haven't asked me a single thing besides how to defeat death? I don't care to be understood, but you seem to be determined to latch onto these assumptions you make about me without actually verifying if any of them are true. You don't even have rebuttals for any points I've made. You let your emotions get the better of you and run away with your judgments.
As a scientist, shouldn't you know better?
no subject
[Look, he can at least admit they're both stubborn.]
And why in the hell would I ever ask anything about the man who told me I was better off dead? Huh? That called me a thief, not knowing that it wasn't even me who took the heart at all. It was brought to me by someone else. I didn't even go after it.
I'm not interested in learning anything about you when you haven't even tried to apologize, you let your subordinate do it for you, yet demanded an apology out of me the moment I got here. At least I have emotions.
[They're INFURIATING and STUPID, but still.]
no subject
[he's never wanted them! even now, when he is more willing to consider them in certain situations, he doesn't think they're particularly beneficial especially if it'd make him anything like viktor. but then he'll make a waving motion.]
I also don't care to give you an apology. Dahut gave you one, but I feel nothing toward you.
[he'll shake his head, irritated, before moving to stand. the thing about scien is that he doesn't bother with what he doesn't care to give his time to. this has hit past the threshold of what he's willing to deal with, and so his answer is just... to leave!]
This has become more than I care to endure. The one thing you were right about in this entire discussion is that your opinion means nothing to me.
[so he's not going to sit here trying to earn a change in it.]
no subject
It's in this moment, he thinks about Charles. More specifically, he thinks about Charles telling him that Owner is a demon, and that Owner probably won't navigate conversations the same way a human would. That's this, isn't it?
He can't have the same conversation with Scien because Scien is detached from humanity.
And how funny it is, when he prefers machinery, things without complicated emotions and social interactions, yet is so befuddled by any conversations with Scien because he can't figure out how to not put Scien in a more human-shaped box. He squeezes his hands into fists.]
That's half your problem.
[He does clarify, and he does not try to stop Scien because if he does, he knows he might start swinging.]