Incorrect. I've never harmed one of my own workers or companions. The people I sacrifice are those already on death row, so their lives can at least contribute to saving others before they're sent to Hades. I've never once denied my crimes, and yet you seem to be getting angry that whatever illusion you had is becoming betrayed.
You can be as angry as you'd like that your greed led to accidents you aren't prepared for, but you're mistaking your experiences for mine. I'm nothing like you.
[but scien makes an open-handed gesture. even now, he's not angry. he makes factual statements. he doesn't consider himself a god anymore, no, but he will always save more lives than he harms.]
I'm not angry. I know that the disregard for any life whatsoever can begin to bleed right into all life for someone who has a limit on what he can feel. For someone who boredly looks for the satisfaction of reaching his goals.
Eunhyuk. Will you sacrifice him? He murdered me. Sheba? Liu Shouxue? They murdered others. Me? I murdered Sky.
[His hands ball into fists.]
We are nothing to you. Look me in the face and tell me you wouldn't. That you think you're smart enough to sit on the other side of that line and let your workers and companions live even if it meant finding the answers to whatever puzzle has been working you raw.
I've been alive over eighty years. I can say with certainty I wouldn't. There's little point in telling you since you clearly aren't listening but I want to be clear: even at my most desperate, I didn't lose my regard for life.
You're right that none of you mean anything to me. But also none of your crimes are worthy of death. It's something called nuance. Are you familiar? The three of them were possessed and you—for all that you annoy me, you're clearly just stupider and more emotional than you think. You can't trust yourself. That's why you're projecting onto me.
If I truly would be willing to sacrifice anyone, why didn't I let Nosebleed volunteer to die to see if we could come back? Why didn't I kill you for stealing my life's work?
[scien at first glance is a mess of contradictions. sometimes violent, sometimes apathetic, sometimes cruel, and sometimes a person's only hope of salvation.
it's all true.]
I've already admitted I'm likely more evil than good. So why bother acting so self-righteous?
You can't nuance your way out of every single instance. You're going to run into one someday you can't. That has nothing to do with me. That's just how the world works.
[These two are rams who keep smacking their horns together stubbornly.]
You can change. That's the point. You keep falling back on the excuse of knowing you're evil. Change then. There's no progress without change. As a scientist, you know that.
You keep talking as if you know me. You realize you haven't asked me a single thing besides how to defeat death? I don't care to be understood, but you seem to be determined to latch onto these assumptions you make about me without actually verifying if any of them are true. You don't even have rebuttals for any points I've made. You let your emotions get the better of you and run away with your judgments.
Why would I waste my breath giving you any rebuttals when it isn't going to make a difference? You're just as resolute as I am.
[Look, he can at least admit they're both stubborn.]
And why in the hell would I ever ask anything about the man who told me I was better off dead? Huh? That called me a thief, not knowing that it wasn't even me who took the heart at all. It was brought to me by someone else. I didn't even go after it.
I'm not interested in learning anything about you when you haven't even tried to apologize, you let your subordinate do it for you, yet demanded an apology out of me the moment I got here. At least I have emotions.
I listen to logic, you moron. If you made a halfway decent argument, I can acknowledge it fairly. You can keep your emotions—I don't want them.
[he's never wanted them! even now, when he is more willing to consider them in certain situations, he doesn't think they're particularly beneficial especially if it'd make him anything like viktor. but then he'll make a waving motion.]
I also don't care to give you an apology. Dahut gave you one, but I feel nothing toward you.
[he'll shake his head, irritated, before moving to stand. the thing about scien is that he doesn't bother with what he doesn't care to give his time to. this has hit past the threshold of what he's willing to deal with, and so his answer is just... to leave!]
This has become more than I care to endure. The one thing you were right about in this entire discussion is that your opinion means nothing to me.
[so he's not going to sit here trying to earn a change in it.]
It's in this moment, he thinks about Charles. More specifically, he thinks about Charles telling him that Owner is a demon, and that Owner probably won't navigate conversations the same way a human would. That's this, isn't it?
He can't have the same conversation with Scien because Scien is detached from humanity.
And how funny it is, when he prefers machinery, things without complicated emotions and social interactions, yet is so befuddled by any conversations with Scien because he can't figure out how to not put Scien in a more human-shaped box. He squeezes his hands into fists.]
That's half your problem.
[He does clarify, and he does not try to stop Scien because if he does, he knows he might start swinging.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
You can be as angry as you'd like that your greed led to accidents you aren't prepared for, but you're mistaking your experiences for mine. I'm nothing like you.
[but scien makes an open-handed gesture. even now, he's not angry. he makes factual statements. he doesn't consider himself a god anymore, no, but he will always save more lives than he harms.]
Go ahead then. Find your better way.
no subject
Eunhyuk. Will you sacrifice him? He murdered me. Sheba? Liu Shouxue? They murdered others. Me? I murdered Sky.
[His hands ball into fists.]
We are nothing to you. Look me in the face and tell me you wouldn't. That you think you're smart enough to sit on the other side of that line and let your workers and companions live even if it meant finding the answers to whatever puzzle has been working you raw.
no subject
I've been alive over eighty years. I can say with certainty I wouldn't. There's little point in telling you since you clearly aren't listening but I want to be clear: even at my most desperate, I didn't lose my regard for life.
You're right that none of you mean anything to me. But also none of your crimes are worthy of death. It's something called nuance. Are you familiar? The three of them were possessed and you—for all that you annoy me, you're clearly just stupider and more emotional than you think. You can't trust yourself. That's why you're projecting onto me.
If I truly would be willing to sacrifice anyone, why didn't I let Nosebleed volunteer to die to see if we could come back? Why didn't I kill you for stealing my life's work?
[scien at first glance is a mess of contradictions. sometimes violent, sometimes apathetic, sometimes cruel, and sometimes a person's only hope of salvation.
it's all true.]
I've already admitted I'm likely more evil than good. So why bother acting so self-righteous?
no subject
[These two are rams who keep smacking their horns together stubbornly.]
You can change. That's the point. You keep falling back on the excuse of knowing you're evil. Change then. There's no progress without change. As a scientist, you know that.
no subject
sooooooooo annoying]
What makes you think I haven't?
You keep talking as if you know me. You realize you haven't asked me a single thing besides how to defeat death? I don't care to be understood, but you seem to be determined to latch onto these assumptions you make about me without actually verifying if any of them are true. You don't even have rebuttals for any points I've made. You let your emotions get the better of you and run away with your judgments.
As a scientist, shouldn't you know better?
no subject
[Look, he can at least admit they're both stubborn.]
And why in the hell would I ever ask anything about the man who told me I was better off dead? Huh? That called me a thief, not knowing that it wasn't even me who took the heart at all. It was brought to me by someone else. I didn't even go after it.
I'm not interested in learning anything about you when you haven't even tried to apologize, you let your subordinate do it for you, yet demanded an apology out of me the moment I got here. At least I have emotions.
[They're INFURIATING and STUPID, but still.]
no subject
[he's never wanted them! even now, when he is more willing to consider them in certain situations, he doesn't think they're particularly beneficial especially if it'd make him anything like viktor. but then he'll make a waving motion.]
I also don't care to give you an apology. Dahut gave you one, but I feel nothing toward you.
[he'll shake his head, irritated, before moving to stand. the thing about scien is that he doesn't bother with what he doesn't care to give his time to. this has hit past the threshold of what he's willing to deal with, and so his answer is just... to leave!]
This has become more than I care to endure. The one thing you were right about in this entire discussion is that your opinion means nothing to me.
[so he's not going to sit here trying to earn a change in it.]
no subject
It's in this moment, he thinks about Charles. More specifically, he thinks about Charles telling him that Owner is a demon, and that Owner probably won't navigate conversations the same way a human would. That's this, isn't it?
He can't have the same conversation with Scien because Scien is detached from humanity.
And how funny it is, when he prefers machinery, things without complicated emotions and social interactions, yet is so befuddled by any conversations with Scien because he can't figure out how to not put Scien in a more human-shaped box. He squeezes his hands into fists.]
That's half your problem.
[He does clarify, and he does not try to stop Scien because if he does, he knows he might start swinging.]