I think something very unexpected has happened, and the superior crew don't know what it is yet, and they don't want to incite panic in us. Or maybe they do, but the result is the same.
The result being "we really are on our own"? Yeah, I got that, too. [ he won't find another chair, but he does come to just sit on the floor nearby and stare out the window with him. the vibe is...broody. ]
...did you get to talk to Scien last night after all? [ before he fucking exploded, i guess. ]
[Shoma your CHAIR. It's fine. If his body wasn't busted, his ass would also be on the floor, too, actually. Which is why he doesn't try to force Shoma into a seat. Boy is smart, Viktor knows he can get a chair if he wants one.
Strangely, an annoyed, defiant sort of emotion spills up out of him. He isn't looking at Shoma, though.]
[Just bluntly. The irritation has ebbed, but the deviance bubbles at the same level out of him.]
He said I was a thief because I wanted to understand his work, because I was going to look at the heart. That I couldn't help anyone because I had to rely on him to help myself.
He said... that I was better off dead. That Hextech was child's play.
That wasn't him. That was whatever--[ wait. ] Okay, yeah, admittedly part of that could have been him because he's arrogant about his research a little but...that's still more harsh than it should have been. And it was probably because of whatever infected him on Thursday night.
[ which he's like almost completely sure that's the case now, especially with scien's dying thoughts. ]
I wish you'd had the chance to speak to them before then, but...[ he shakes his head. and he thinks, probably that they might be mad at him for it, but scien did tell him to make his own decisions and basically push as far as he felt he could go. ]
They told me enough about how it worked to understand the process, and about the process behind the technology. And while I don't really agree with how it's all done...[ there's a pause. ] I'm using their information for research of my own. So I think I can use it to help you help yourself, too. If I find the right resources.
I appreciate the offer to help. But I will figure it out on my own.
[TWO STUPID MEN. There is just something incredibly demoralizing as an already disabled engineer to be told you can't even fix your own fucking self. It may not have even been Scien! (All of him.)
But the words had been said. They're out there now, lodged in his heart.]
I'm not dismissing your help. Just... their information. I'll find a way myself.
[ there's another heavy pause. it's uncertain, tentative and anxious all at once, because he'd been thinking about this since they'd spoken yesterday. he'd thought about bringing it up then, but no, there was scien and scien could provide answers. at least until he couldn't.
and now there's a man who's in a situation where there isn't a clear solution yet, if at all. and he respects viktor, and he thinks...maybe...framing it differently could help. even if he isn't dismissing what shoma is saying, maybe explaining will give him insight to what exactly shoma's using their information to find his own. ]
...
[ or not? he seems to find the words stuck in his throat and it's so. fucking dumb, actually. it's so dumb. why can't he just explain himself? you'd think it'd be easy since he has such a problem with the way things are, but he also thinks for a brief moment "what if this changes people's minds for the worst?" it's not a thought that's shared with viktor, but the vibes are there as he picks at the sleeve of his shirt for a second. ]
Right. I don't doubt that. [ GOD. ] Do you... [ this feels like an insensitive question. but he wonders. ] When you find a way. How much time are you going to grant yourself?
[ he's not going to force viktor to pay attention to him, honestly. he's on the floor for a reason, staring out into space and thinking about how stars are really starting to look the same.
there's a pang of sympathy though. ]
I guess that was an unfair question. It's hard to know how much time is going to be enough. [ ... ] But...I have a lot of it, myself. So I guess I always just wonder how long other people would want for themselves.
[He feels a little guilt at the sympathy. He knows Shoma is trying to help him have a more comfortable life, and he appreciates it. He's just... so... stubborn! The curse of a genius mind! The curse of having to climb the same ladder as everyone else, but a few of your rungs are broken.]
...
[Finally, he lifts his head again so he can look at Shoma.]
Where does satisfaction begin? None of us can say. Maybe I will be eighty, and I will still never be satisfied with eighty. Or ninety. Or one hundred.
Is there a reason someone your age has interest in the research of prolonging life?
[ luckily he's used to stubborn people. he himself is stubborn, but he seems to realize that he has to be a little more clear why, exactly, he's interested in this study.
so viktor looks up and shoma agrees. you can't really say when you might be satisfied, but he does think that perhaps there should be some limitations. it's why he thinks on this sometimes. and then viktor asks and he frowns softly to consider how to say this. ]
It's not quite the same for you and me. You're interested in finding a way to prolong life. I'm interested in a way to try and make mine shorter again. [ this. sounds bad, so he quickly rectifies that. ] Or at least make it normal again. But I think the research to both might involve the same things.
[Hmmm. Thanks, this sounds insane, but he may also be a little insane, so it's fine. If he is trying to prolong his life, there is nothing he can say to Shoma about... shortening... it?
He unfortunately sits there for a long moment, spinning thoughts in his mind. Shoma's body is young... but Shoma needs shorter...?]
[ that's because it is insane, we are both playing from insane canons. shoma seems to be patiently waiting, because he figures viktor has an inventor's mind and will start picking apart his statements to put together questions.
and maybe with some answers, viktor can start finding new questions and ideas for his own situation. it's what happened for him in speaking to scien and dahut, at least. ]
...Scien and Dahut and I had something in common. My profile...the company listed the wrong age, but probably because it's the age of this body. It's been like this for six years now. But I'm not going to really age or die anytime soon.
[Ah. He sees. Imagine two guys having completely opposite fucking problems. Insane. He regards Shoma over for a long moment, expression softer. He gets it!! The struggle to take control of your own fate.
And a bit envious maybe, as someone who has death looming over them.]
That's tough. I don't know if I'd have ever wanted to be stuck as your age. It was hard enough.
[He leans forward a little and extends his hand out to Shoma, palm up. Offering.]
Whatever we can figure out, I'll take your six years. How about that? ...Deal?
[ please take some of his immortality he doesn't want it!!! ]
Yeah. It's...not great. [ tiredly. being 12 the first time was also not great, so to be stuck like this has been hell actually. but he sees the hand and he pauses, looking at it before offering his own for a tentative shake. ]
Deal. Even if I can't figure out how to fix me, I'll do what I can to help you find a solution. That might be the easier one to look into.
[Shoma gets a short little shake of sealing before Viktor leans back in the chair again.]
I think they are both equal in the feasibility of their success. I don't want to die, but... people die all the time every day. And my point of reference is a little... lacking.
If anything, let's work on yours while working on mine.
[ there's a low hum on the shake before he drops his hand back to the floor. ]
...I have thoughts on what I would need to do to fix mine, but without knowing the full extent of what was done it's harder to go in and change things. With you, at least, it's starting from like a blank page. That's why I thought it might be easier.
[ ...but. ] But I'm not going to say no to working on them simultaneously. As best as we can. That's kind of what research is about, right? Looking at a problem and following theories until they net some kind of results, even if the results are just an answer of what's not feasible.
On the contrary, I think mine may be relatively simple. [""SIMPLE""] I mentioned it as a joke, but... When the flesh fails, there is not many other options except replacing what parts are failing with machinery.
Like a bionic man. [ this does not seem too out of the realm of possibility. ] Like I said, prosthetics are a real and effective thing. You can rebuild all kinds of parts to help stabilize a body.
[ a pause. ]
Some of the senior crew have mechanical limbs, too.
I know this is probably getting too close to uncomfortable territory, given what just happened, but there are such things as organ transplants where I'm from. In other parts of the world, it's a normal thing to be an organ donor in case something happens to you.
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What do you make of all of it?
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I think something very unexpected has happened, and the superior crew don't know what it is yet, and they don't want to incite panic in us. Or maybe they do, but the result is the same.
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...did you get to talk to Scien last night after all? [ before he fucking exploded, i guess. ]
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Strangely, an annoyed, defiant sort of emotion spills up out of him. He isn't looking at Shoma, though.]
Yes.
[WHY IS THIS ALL HE SAYS]
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And I'm going to guess it didn't go that well given that answer.
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I don't need his help. I'll figure out a way on my own. He can keep his Reliver research and unethical methods.
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So he did explain a bit to you. [ a pause. ] Now do you see why I asked you about your methods?
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[Just bluntly. The irritation has ebbed, but the deviance bubbles at the same level out of him.]
He said I was a thief because I wanted to understand his work, because I was going to look at the heart. That I couldn't help anyone because I had to rely on him to help myself.
He said... that I was better off dead. That Hextech was child's play.
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That wasn't him. That was whatever--[ wait. ] Okay, yeah, admittedly part of that could have been him because he's arrogant about his research a little but...that's still more harsh than it should have been. And it was probably because of whatever infected him on Thursday night.
[ which he's like almost completely sure that's the case now, especially with scien's dying thoughts. ]
I wish you'd had the chance to speak to them before then, but...[ he shakes his head. and he thinks, probably that they might be mad at him for it, but scien did tell him to make his own decisions and basically push as far as he felt he could go. ]
They told me enough about how it worked to understand the process, and about the process behind the technology. And while I don't really agree with how it's all done...[ there's a pause. ] I'm using their information for research of my own. So I think I can use it to help you help yourself, too. If I find the right resources.
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[TWO STUPID MEN. There is just something incredibly demoralizing as an already disabled engineer to be told you can't even fix your own fucking self. It may not have even been Scien! (All of him.)
But the words had been said. They're out there now, lodged in his heart.]
I'm not dismissing your help. Just... their information. I'll find a way myself.
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and now there's a man who's in a situation where there isn't a clear solution yet, if at all. and he respects viktor, and he thinks...maybe...framing it differently could help. even if he isn't dismissing what shoma is saying, maybe explaining will give him insight to what exactly shoma's using their information to find his own. ]
...
[ or not? he seems to find the words stuck in his throat and it's so. fucking dumb, actually. it's so dumb. why can't he just explain himself? you'd think it'd be easy since he has such a problem with the way things are, but he also thinks for a brief moment "what if this changes people's minds for the worst?" it's not a thought that's shared with viktor, but the vibes are there as he picks at the sleeve of his shirt for a second. ]
Right. I don't doubt that. [ GOD. ] Do you... [ this feels like an insensitive question. but he wonders. ] When you find a way. How much time are you going to grant yourself?
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His tired eyes search the ceiling as if it has the answers he's trying to find.
He wants to lift his head and look, give Shoma undivided attention, but he's so tired. He is so tired of being unwell, of dying.]
I don't know. It depends on how much time I'm able to grant.
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there's a pang of sympathy though. ]
I guess that was an unfair question. It's hard to know how much time is going to be enough. [ ... ] But...I have a lot of it, myself. So I guess I always just wonder how long other people would want for themselves.
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...
[Finally, he lifts his head again so he can look at Shoma.]
Where does satisfaction begin? None of us can say. Maybe I will be eighty, and I will still never be satisfied with eighty. Or ninety. Or one hundred.
Is there a reason someone your age has interest in the research of prolonging life?
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so viktor looks up and shoma agrees. you can't really say when you might be satisfied, but he does think that perhaps there should be some limitations. it's why he thinks on this sometimes. and then viktor asks and he frowns softly to consider how to say this. ]
It's not quite the same for you and me. You're interested in finding a way to prolong life. I'm interested in a way to try and make mine shorter again. [ this. sounds bad, so he quickly rectifies that. ] Or at least make it normal again. But I think the research to both might involve the same things.
[ genetics. ]
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[Hmmm. Thanks, this sounds insane, but he may also be a little insane, so it's fine. If he is trying to prolong his life, there is nothing he can say to Shoma about... shortening... it?
He unfortunately sits there for a long moment, spinning thoughts in his mind. Shoma's body is young... but Shoma needs shorter...?]
Does your life have something to do... with time?
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and maybe with some answers, viktor can start finding new questions and ideas for his own situation. it's what happened for him in speaking to scien and dahut, at least. ]
...Scien and Dahut and I had something in common. My profile...the company listed the wrong age, but probably because it's the age of this body. It's been like this for six years now. But I'm not going to really age or die anytime soon.
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And a bit envious maybe, as someone who has death looming over them.]
That's tough. I don't know if I'd have ever wanted to be stuck as your age. It was hard enough.
[He leans forward a little and extends his hand out to Shoma, palm up. Offering.]
Whatever we can figure out, I'll take your six years. How about that? ...Deal?
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Yeah. It's...not great. [ tiredly. being 12 the first time was also not great, so to be stuck like this has been hell actually. but he sees the hand and he pauses, looking at it before offering his own for a tentative shake. ]
Deal. Even if I can't figure out how to fix me, I'll do what I can to help you find a solution. That might be the easier one to look into.
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I think they are both equal in the feasibility of their success. I don't want to die, but... people die all the time every day. And my point of reference is a little... lacking.
If anything, let's work on yours while working on mine.
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...I have thoughts on what I would need to do to fix mine, but without knowing the full extent of what was done it's harder to go in and change things. With you, at least, it's starting from like a blank page. That's why I thought it might be easier.
[ ...but. ] But I'm not going to say no to working on them simultaneously. As best as we can. That's kind of what research is about, right? Looking at a problem and following theories until they net some kind of results, even if the results are just an answer of what's not feasible.
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On the contrary, I think mine may be relatively simple. [""SIMPLE""] I mentioned it as a joke, but... When the flesh fails, there is not many other options except replacing what parts are failing with machinery.
I think that is the path forward for me.
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[ a pause. ]
Some of the senior crew have mechanical limbs, too.
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Limbs I can understand. But... it is a little more than just limbs for me, I'm afraid. It's... the spine. Organs.
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I know this is probably getting too close to uncomfortable territory, given what just happened, but there are such things as organ transplants where I'm from. In other parts of the world, it's a normal thing to be an organ donor in case something happens to you.
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