[ there's another heavy pause. it's uncertain, tentative and anxious all at once, because he'd been thinking about this since they'd spoken yesterday. he'd thought about bringing it up then, but no, there was scien and scien could provide answers. at least until he couldn't.
and now there's a man who's in a situation where there isn't a clear solution yet, if at all. and he respects viktor, and he thinks...maybe...framing it differently could help. even if he isn't dismissing what shoma is saying, maybe explaining will give him insight to what exactly shoma's using their information to find his own. ]
...
[ or not? he seems to find the words stuck in his throat and it's so. fucking dumb, actually. it's so dumb. why can't he just explain himself? you'd think it'd be easy since he has such a problem with the way things are, but he also thinks for a brief moment "what if this changes people's minds for the worst?" it's not a thought that's shared with viktor, but the vibes are there as he picks at the sleeve of his shirt for a second. ]
Right. I don't doubt that. [ GOD. ] Do you... [ this feels like an insensitive question. but he wonders. ] When you find a way. How much time are you going to grant yourself?
[ he's not going to force viktor to pay attention to him, honestly. he's on the floor for a reason, staring out into space and thinking about how stars are really starting to look the same.
there's a pang of sympathy though. ]
I guess that was an unfair question. It's hard to know how much time is going to be enough. [ ... ] But...I have a lot of it, myself. So I guess I always just wonder how long other people would want for themselves.
[He feels a little guilt at the sympathy. He knows Shoma is trying to help him have a more comfortable life, and he appreciates it. He's just... so... stubborn! The curse of a genius mind! The curse of having to climb the same ladder as everyone else, but a few of your rungs are broken.]
...
[Finally, he lifts his head again so he can look at Shoma.]
Where does satisfaction begin? None of us can say. Maybe I will be eighty, and I will still never be satisfied with eighty. Or ninety. Or one hundred.
Is there a reason someone your age has interest in the research of prolonging life?
[ luckily he's used to stubborn people. he himself is stubborn, but he seems to realize that he has to be a little more clear why, exactly, he's interested in this study.
so viktor looks up and shoma agrees. you can't really say when you might be satisfied, but he does think that perhaps there should be some limitations. it's why he thinks on this sometimes. and then viktor asks and he frowns softly to consider how to say this. ]
It's not quite the same for you and me. You're interested in finding a way to prolong life. I'm interested in a way to try and make mine shorter again. [ this. sounds bad, so he quickly rectifies that. ] Or at least make it normal again. But I think the research to both might involve the same things.
[Hmmm. Thanks, this sounds insane, but he may also be a little insane, so it's fine. If he is trying to prolong his life, there is nothing he can say to Shoma about... shortening... it?
He unfortunately sits there for a long moment, spinning thoughts in his mind. Shoma's body is young... but Shoma needs shorter...?]
[ that's because it is insane, we are both playing from insane canons. shoma seems to be patiently waiting, because he figures viktor has an inventor's mind and will start picking apart his statements to put together questions.
and maybe with some answers, viktor can start finding new questions and ideas for his own situation. it's what happened for him in speaking to scien and dahut, at least. ]
...Scien and Dahut and I had something in common. My profile...the company listed the wrong age, but probably because it's the age of this body. It's been like this for six years now. But I'm not going to really age or die anytime soon.
[Ah. He sees. Imagine two guys having completely opposite fucking problems. Insane. He regards Shoma over for a long moment, expression softer. He gets it!! The struggle to take control of your own fate.
And a bit envious maybe, as someone who has death looming over them.]
That's tough. I don't know if I'd have ever wanted to be stuck as your age. It was hard enough.
[He leans forward a little and extends his hand out to Shoma, palm up. Offering.]
Whatever we can figure out, I'll take your six years. How about that? ...Deal?
[ please take some of his immortality he doesn't want it!!! ]
Yeah. It's...not great. [ tiredly. being 12 the first time was also not great, so to be stuck like this has been hell actually. but he sees the hand and he pauses, looking at it before offering his own for a tentative shake. ]
Deal. Even if I can't figure out how to fix me, I'll do what I can to help you find a solution. That might be the easier one to look into.
[Shoma gets a short little shake of sealing before Viktor leans back in the chair again.]
I think they are both equal in the feasibility of their success. I don't want to die, but... people die all the time every day. And my point of reference is a little... lacking.
If anything, let's work on yours while working on mine.
[ there's a low hum on the shake before he drops his hand back to the floor. ]
...I have thoughts on what I would need to do to fix mine, but without knowing the full extent of what was done it's harder to go in and change things. With you, at least, it's starting from like a blank page. That's why I thought it might be easier.
[ ...but. ] But I'm not going to say no to working on them simultaneously. As best as we can. That's kind of what research is about, right? Looking at a problem and following theories until they net some kind of results, even if the results are just an answer of what's not feasible.
On the contrary, I think mine may be relatively simple. [""SIMPLE""] I mentioned it as a joke, but... When the flesh fails, there is not many other options except replacing what parts are failing with machinery.
Like a bionic man. [ this does not seem too out of the realm of possibility. ] Like I said, prosthetics are a real and effective thing. You can rebuild all kinds of parts to help stabilize a body.
[ a pause. ]
Some of the senior crew have mechanical limbs, too.
I know this is probably getting too close to uncomfortable territory, given what just happened, but there are such things as organ transplants where I'm from. In other parts of the world, it's a normal thing to be an organ donor in case something happens to you.
[He sighs and leans back in a way where he can rub his temple and the socket of one eye.]
That is very innovative for where I come from, but I need something... my body can't attack. The breaking down of my body is a biproduct of pollutants probably in my blood, my bones.
Getting an organic replacement means there is a high likelihood my body would destroy that one, too.
Oh. [ there's just a flicker of disappointment because... ] ...I can see where this would get really complicated, yeah. I don't think it's impossible, but trying to offset what your body's already doing is an uphill battle. I wonder if building up your immune system and trying to clear the pollutants would help. Not that I have any idea how to do that either.
[ i hope you're this week's culprit. w1 curse real. ]
That sounds about right. [ ... ] They're not so bad. I don't think they really know exactly what our situation is, but maybe you can get more from them than me.
[HELLO? DON'T ASSIGN ME THAT I WAS GONE WEEK ONE THE LAST TIME]
I find that very doubtful, but it's worth a shot. I mostly wanted to talk to them about the nanites, though. Even if they're aware of what's going on, I don't think they'd tell us.
It's entirely possible they can't, but it's worth asking. You might get more information about those, too. I asked a little bit but not enough to really make a difference. You'd probably have better questions.
Heh. You really give me too much credit. I will probably bore them to tears asking them all kinds of pointless things about how everything here works. But yes, I'll try.
I don't think I do. [ give him too much credit, that is. ] I think you're the type of person who's determined enough to get an answer that you'll make it work for you. One thing leading into another.
[ but he shrugs. ] So...hopefully they'll at least give you some idea of what to do next.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
and now there's a man who's in a situation where there isn't a clear solution yet, if at all. and he respects viktor, and he thinks...maybe...framing it differently could help. even if he isn't dismissing what shoma is saying, maybe explaining will give him insight to what exactly shoma's using their information to find his own. ]
...
[ or not? he seems to find the words stuck in his throat and it's so. fucking dumb, actually. it's so dumb. why can't he just explain himself? you'd think it'd be easy since he has such a problem with the way things are, but he also thinks for a brief moment "what if this changes people's minds for the worst?" it's not a thought that's shared with viktor, but the vibes are there as he picks at the sleeve of his shirt for a second. ]
Right. I don't doubt that. [ GOD. ] Do you... [ this feels like an insensitive question. but he wonders. ] When you find a way. How much time are you going to grant yourself?
no subject
His tired eyes search the ceiling as if it has the answers he's trying to find.
He wants to lift his head and look, give Shoma undivided attention, but he's so tired. He is so tired of being unwell, of dying.]
I don't know. It depends on how much time I'm able to grant.
no subject
there's a pang of sympathy though. ]
I guess that was an unfair question. It's hard to know how much time is going to be enough. [ ... ] But...I have a lot of it, myself. So I guess I always just wonder how long other people would want for themselves.
no subject
...
[Finally, he lifts his head again so he can look at Shoma.]
Where does satisfaction begin? None of us can say. Maybe I will be eighty, and I will still never be satisfied with eighty. Or ninety. Or one hundred.
Is there a reason someone your age has interest in the research of prolonging life?
no subject
so viktor looks up and shoma agrees. you can't really say when you might be satisfied, but he does think that perhaps there should be some limitations. it's why he thinks on this sometimes. and then viktor asks and he frowns softly to consider how to say this. ]
It's not quite the same for you and me. You're interested in finding a way to prolong life. I'm interested in a way to try and make mine shorter again. [ this. sounds bad, so he quickly rectifies that. ] Or at least make it normal again. But I think the research to both might involve the same things.
[ genetics. ]
no subject
[Hmmm. Thanks, this sounds insane, but he may also be a little insane, so it's fine. If he is trying to prolong his life, there is nothing he can say to Shoma about... shortening... it?
He unfortunately sits there for a long moment, spinning thoughts in his mind. Shoma's body is young... but Shoma needs shorter...?]
Does your life have something to do... with time?
no subject
and maybe with some answers, viktor can start finding new questions and ideas for his own situation. it's what happened for him in speaking to scien and dahut, at least. ]
...Scien and Dahut and I had something in common. My profile...the company listed the wrong age, but probably because it's the age of this body. It's been like this for six years now. But I'm not going to really age or die anytime soon.
no subject
And a bit envious maybe, as someone who has death looming over them.]
That's tough. I don't know if I'd have ever wanted to be stuck as your age. It was hard enough.
[He leans forward a little and extends his hand out to Shoma, palm up. Offering.]
Whatever we can figure out, I'll take your six years. How about that? ...Deal?
no subject
Yeah. It's...not great. [ tiredly. being 12 the first time was also not great, so to be stuck like this has been hell actually. but he sees the hand and he pauses, looking at it before offering his own for a tentative shake. ]
Deal. Even if I can't figure out how to fix me, I'll do what I can to help you find a solution. That might be the easier one to look into.
no subject
I think they are both equal in the feasibility of their success. I don't want to die, but... people die all the time every day. And my point of reference is a little... lacking.
If anything, let's work on yours while working on mine.
no subject
...I have thoughts on what I would need to do to fix mine, but without knowing the full extent of what was done it's harder to go in and change things. With you, at least, it's starting from like a blank page. That's why I thought it might be easier.
[ ...but. ] But I'm not going to say no to working on them simultaneously. As best as we can. That's kind of what research is about, right? Looking at a problem and following theories until they net some kind of results, even if the results are just an answer of what's not feasible.
no subject
On the contrary, I think mine may be relatively simple. [""SIMPLE""] I mentioned it as a joke, but... When the flesh fails, there is not many other options except replacing what parts are failing with machinery.
I think that is the path forward for me.
no subject
[ a pause. ]
Some of the senior crew have mechanical limbs, too.
no subject
Limbs I can understand. But... it is a little more than just limbs for me, I'm afraid. It's... the spine. Organs.
no subject
I know this is probably getting too close to uncomfortable territory, given what just happened, but there are such things as organ transplants where I'm from. In other parts of the world, it's a normal thing to be an organ donor in case something happens to you.
no subject
That is very innovative for where I come from, but I need something... my body can't attack. The breaking down of my body is a biproduct of pollutants probably in my blood, my bones.
Getting an organic replacement means there is a high likelihood my body would destroy that one, too.
no subject
[ frustrating. ]
no subject
I would need more medical equipment to test myself to see if that is a viable option. But I won't rule it out.
[He is thinking about... something. He's thinking about two somethings actually.]
no subject
We're supposedly getting some kind of medical bay at some point. So it it's soon, maybe that'll have something in it that can help.
no subject
It's fine.]
Yes, Eunhyuk mentioned a... medbay? That Io promised him a tour when we received it.
I planned to speak with them next week anyway.
no subject
That sounds about right. [ ... ] They're not so bad. I don't think they really know exactly what our situation is, but maybe you can get more from them than me.
no subject
I find that very doubtful, but it's worth a shot. I mostly wanted to talk to them about the nanites, though. Even if they're aware of what's going on, I don't think they'd tell us.
no subject
It's entirely possible they can't, but it's worth asking. You might get more information about those, too. I asked a little bit but not enough to really make a difference. You'd probably have better questions.
no subject
Heh. You really give me too much credit. I will probably bore them to tears asking them all kinds of pointless things about how everything here works. But yes, I'll try.
no subject
I don't think I do. [ give him too much credit, that is. ] I think you're the type of person who's determined enough to get an answer that you'll make it work for you. One thing leading into another.
[ but he shrugs. ] So...hopefully they'll at least give you some idea of what to do next.