Eunhyuk is looking at the cube, but his thoughts aren't actually on it. It's like he's trying to think of a way to phrase this question? And then finally,]
[This question also takes Viktor out. He freezes, looking visibly surprised, and he does not answer at first because he isn't sure... what to say, how to explain. But he's thoughtful, considering it.
The answer is sort of complicated.]
I... don't know if I would have if Sidon had not showed me first what love was. I've had some crushes, but... I've never been in love before, so it was very strange to experience.
It's... like... You enjoy their company. They make you feel... normal, even for a little bit of time. You miss them when they're gone. You start noticing things about them: the way their hair lays, the look in their eye when they see something they like, how their voice sounds. You realize you would do anything to see them happy.
[OWNER PAVED THE WAY BY CURSING VIKTOR AND SIDON? WOW
Eunhyuk is not thinking that, he's listening to Viktor's words -- as if this is an experiment and those are his results. No, as if this is something he needs to hear from someone who understands his own emotions, and isn't afraid to convey them when he needs to. He admires a lot about Viktor -- his will to live, his strength, the struggle to keep living despite the untold horror of what he's done, his kindness and warmth, the way he let Eunhyuk in after all that he's done.
...And he admires this too. That he can say that love wasn't a priority for him, but that it didn't mean he'd turn away from it if it happened. But Eunhyuk isn't the same -- Viktor asks his question, and he tenses a little.]
...I think so. [...] No -- I am. What you said... it's similar to how I feel.
[he doesn't have a rubik's cube to hold, but his fingers flex a little all the same.]
[THESE SOFT FEELINGS FROM EUNHYUK!!!!! Don't tell Viktor any of this, he would shrivel up and die of shyness. Which is funny considering Sky also thought this about him, and he failed to see it.
So maybe it's time to change, to make amends.
A small smile comes to his face. He does understand exactly how Eunhyuk feels.] Yes. [He says this so quickly.
He holds the Rubik's Cube out; Eunhyuk can take it if he wants.]
I still am. Very afraid. There are... so many uncertain variables. I'm sick; I have maybe... a year or so to live. I'm pretty sure I was getting blown up right before waking up here, too. Lucien is stuck in his own calamity with the Nine, with parts of himself. And my body is... [A wry laugh.] ...terribly unattractive. This isn't even accounting for... differences in lifespans maybe. Things like that. How this will all turn out in the end.
But someone reminded me that... even if all of those things didn't exist, if everything was lining up perfectly... I could still die unexpectedly at any time. Lucien could, too. So what point is there in being too afraid to move forward? I want to stop... squandering the time I do have being scared of the future.
If you love them, tell them. Sidon taught me that, too.
Eunhyuk carefully takes the cube, and holds it in his hand like it’s a baby bird, as tentatively as he’s listening to Viktor as he speaks. He’s not making it hard to understand, actually he’s making it very easy. That despite all these obstacles, Viktor clearly believes that his love has greater value, that it’s worth it.]
…If I tell them, then I should be ready to commit to them too, right? I should be prepared for a future with them.
[he turns one of the corners]
I don’t know if I can fight for that, or if I’m ready to. Not like you are.
He reaches up to pat Eunhyuk's shoulder gently.] I think you are, but I understand. You haven't forgotten what I said, right? About... agreeing the two of us deserve to live. Because we want to, and we're alive. Well. "Alive." [Listen.]
Even if there is no future for any of us here, try not to let the present you can spend with them honestly slip by.
[Taps the second sign for Eunhyuk. He takes the cube back, offering Eunhyuk another reassuring smile, small.]
You're not so bad. I think you might lie more to yourself than anywhere else, if I can be honest with you.
[He taps Eunhyuk over the heart with the edge of the cube.]
It was hard at first, and it was definitely scary... but I don't think it's so bad now, following this a little for a change. I wasn't so sure there for a while. I thought about taking it out. Being like Scien. Getting rid of how I felt. But now I'm glad I didn't.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
w5, sunday... anna we should get them to kiss so it's kiss 30
i don't remember what the fck happened on sunday OH YEAH GREGOR SHOWED UP!!!! anyway eunhyuk is here to hang out with viktor,]
Can I ask you a personal question?
yaywon............. :flushed:
Viktor is here! He's got the Rubik's Cube, but isn't really trying to solve it or anything. He's just vibing.]
Mm? Sure, go ahead.
time to sluttify our sad cats
Eunhyuk is looking at the cube, but his thoughts aren't actually on it. It's like he's trying to think of a way to phrase this question? And then finally,]
How did you know you were in love with Lucien?
THIS TOOK ME OUT
The answer is sort of complicated.]
I... don't know if I would have if Sidon had not showed me first what love was. I've had some crushes, but... I've never been in love before, so it was very strange to experience.
It's... like... You enjoy their company. They make you feel... normal, even for a little bit of time. You miss them when they're gone. You start noticing things about them: the way their hair lays, the look in their eye when they see something they like, how their voice sounds. You realize you would do anything to see them happy.
Why? Are you in love, Eunhyuk?
hehehehe
Eunhyuk is not thinking that, he's listening to Viktor's words -- as if this is an experiment and those are his results. No, as if this is something he needs to hear from someone who understands his own emotions, and isn't afraid to convey them when he needs to. He admires a lot about Viktor -- his will to live, his strength, the struggle to keep living despite the untold horror of what he's done, his kindness and warmth, the way he let Eunhyuk in after all that he's done.
...And he admires this too. That he can say that love wasn't a priority for him, but that it didn't mean he'd turn away from it if it happened. But Eunhyuk isn't the same -- Viktor asks his question, and he tenses a little.]
...I think so. [...] No -- I am. What you said... it's similar to how I feel.
[he doesn't have a rubik's cube to hold, but his fingers flex a little all the same.]
Were you afraid?
no subject
So maybe it's time to change, to make amends.
A small smile comes to his face. He does understand exactly how Eunhyuk feels.] Yes. [He says this so quickly.
He holds the Rubik's Cube out; Eunhyuk can take it if he wants.]
I still am. Very afraid. There are... so many uncertain variables. I'm sick; I have maybe... a year or so to live. I'm pretty sure I was getting blown up right before waking up here, too. Lucien is stuck in his own calamity with the Nine, with parts of himself. And my body is... [A wry laugh.] ...terribly unattractive. This isn't even accounting for... differences in lifespans maybe. Things like that. How this will all turn out in the end.
But someone reminded me that... even if all of those things didn't exist, if everything was lining up perfectly... I could still die unexpectedly at any time. Lucien could, too. So what point is there in being too afraid to move forward? I want to stop... squandering the time I do have being scared of the future.
If you love them, tell them. Sidon taught me that, too.
no subject
Eunhyuk carefully takes the cube, and holds it in his hand like it’s a baby bird, as tentatively as he’s listening to Viktor as he speaks. He’s not making it hard to understand, actually he’s making it very easy. That despite all these obstacles, Viktor clearly believes that his love has greater value, that it’s worth it.]
…If I tell them, then I should be ready to commit to them too, right? I should be prepared for a future with them.
[he turns one of the corners]
I don’t know if I can fight for that, or if I’m ready to. Not like you are.
no subject
He reaches up to pat Eunhyuk's shoulder gently.] I think you are, but I understand. You haven't forgotten what I said, right? About... agreeing the two of us deserve to live. Because we want to, and we're alive. Well. "Alive." [Listen.]
Even if there is no future for any of us here, try not to let the present you can spend with them honestly slip by.
no subject
Eunhyuk peers at Viktor from beneath his bangs,]
...I haven't. [forgotten, that was a very rare moment -- meeting someone who can understand perfectly the burdens you carry,
he turns another corner of the cube, and then he holds it out for Viktor to take,]
I'll try to be honest. It'll be hard, since I'm a liar.
[don't make stupid jokes]
no subject
You're not so bad. I think you might lie more to yourself than anywhere else, if I can be honest with you.
[He taps Eunhyuk over the heart with the edge of the cube.]
It was hard at first, and it was definitely scary... but I don't think it's so bad now, following this a little for a change. I wasn't so sure there for a while. I thought about taking it out. Being like Scien. Getting rid of how I felt. But now I'm glad I didn't.
no subject
I think just having one of him around here is enough.
[HE'S JOKING.... kind of......... no he's only half-joking, and also half-serious that he's glad Viktor remains... Viktor.]
...I'm glad too. That you kept your heart.