As for me... I don't know yet. About my illness. I never thought it would be so easy to... cure. The way everyone makes it seem. Spells, and machines, and all of that. I'm not sure what I will do.
[ truly no one is dumber than viktor arcane. meanwhile sidon's just gotten used to hugging people, even if it's not something he overly indulged in back home. it's a more complete expression of affection than just words. he settles there, holding him. ]
Of course! I told Lucien he was welcome, if he so wishes. [ he's doesn't know if he'll take the offer either, but it's there if they want it. ] My doors are always open.
[ for when they DEFINITELY survive this final boss fight. ]
...I don't know how simple it will be. [ maybe if mipha was here. ] Even so, a new world is new opportunity for cures. We can take you away from your corrupted waters, get healing, drink new medicines! [ ... ] If you're all right with trying, and hoping, that is. You do have an incredible will to live.
[Sidon widdling Lucien's stupid purple ass down by killing the guy with kindness. There are feelings of relief brushing in by the reluctance. He is not sure how... both Lucien and Sidon have such a way of telling him things confidently enough that he simply has nothing left but to accept them.
He really accepts the things they say so easily. They can, they will, all of that.]
I... wanted to do it myself. Especially after... um, Scien. [He still hasn't forgotten Scien's words to him because words stick, words linger.] But I don't know... if I can. I don't know if I will have enough time.
This may be the only chance I have depending on how things go.
[ he doubts he's making progress with lucien but he also cannot read his cat behaviors at all. in any case, it's called having so much unwarranted confidence that other people believe you. this may be true in both cases.
or sometimes you just believe in people who have your best interests at heart, and vice versa. ]
...It's only natural you'd want to save yourself. [ there is a wrinkle of wobbly, unpleasant emotion at the mention of scien, because sidon doesn't hold grudges but. he did punch a guy out over this. ] But accepting help is still a choice you make. So don't feel too helpless if you opt to accept another's hand.
[ there's no shame in buying extra time with what people offer. though his emotions are verging on something rare and—fearful, here. ]
Sidon has some mild guilt back--at the first half. The way Viktor doesn't even know Sidon punched Scien for him, very hilarious. The way he has not told Lucien that happened either.]
I know... In the end, I would rather... live a normal lifespan than not, so... I will... think about it.
[He leans back and tips his head. HELLO? He has never felt Sidon feel fearful, he doesn't think. Except maybe the time when he had come back and had to fucking die on him; he could tell there was some fear then.]
[ listen. sidon told him he would, and he's not one to go back on a promise. a threat? comeuppance. whatever it was.
there's some relief at viktor's decision, then a blink of surprise. sidon's usually brave, and in the rare instance he isn't, it's usually not so obvious as to be called out, erring towards excess caution and timidity than abject terror. but now he looks uncertain; maybe viktor can use his giant science brain to piece the connections together, between him dying and a conversation about him dying. ]
Ah, it's nothing.
[ I don't want you to die.
anyway a void opens i will finally give you a memshare even though trial is here. gooby ]
[kills you for giving me this during the very start of endgame SLITS YOUR THROAT
He really... realizes in this moment, he does not know hardly anything about Sidon's past, or family, or lineage. The guilt of understanding he had never really bothered to question Sidon out of respect swells up in him as the memory fades.
The anxiety makes a lot more sense now. Sidon's worry over him, the true fear he remembers from Sidon after coming back. It makes sense.
He puts a gentle hand on Sidon's arm, frozen in uncertainty for a long moment.]
[ i've never done anything wrong in my LIFE also give me an endgame pc
anyway, that's not viktor's fault; he's not one to talk about these things naturally. he has the social grace to dodge bringing up an awkward conversational subject such as dead family members most of the time. it's kind of nice, actually, being in a place where his greatest loss isn't flagrantly public knowledge, a notch in the timeline of an entire species.
he briefly winces as the void fades again, though it evens out when he pats viktor's hand. ]
It's all right, my friend. It was a hundred years ago now.
[ which is an entire human lifespan, if he recalls correctly. ]
He does not remove his hand. And, actually, he doesn't stop from looking at Sidon directly.]
It doesn't matter how long it's been. Things like that don't just disappear with time.
[They get better to endure, sure, but they do not go away. He is not going to sit here and think that Sky's death is going to vanish from his mind if he lived to be eighty.]
[ it's rare that viktor maintains eye contact like this, but his determination when it's time to be kind is always impressive.
besides, he's right. ]
...No, they don't.
[ grief is something that gets easier, smaller, but not really any less potent. it can rise right back up, as sudden as a storm at sea. and when it doesn't hurt, it shapes you—molds fears and goals and expectations. like now. is it okay? it is what it is. ]
I can talk of my sister with fondness and laughter now, as she deserves. But her loss will never leave me. [ he pauses. ruffles viktor's hair in a familiar way, now, with a tired but genuine fondness. ] It makes me overbearing at times, I think. I hope you will endure it.
[NOT THE RUFFLE. His hair just sticks up even more than it was already sticking up probably. It's fine. He doesn't even bother trying to fix it. He has given up on that.]
I'll endure.
[It's nice, he's learned... to... have people who will care about you regardless of whether or not you think you deserve it at all. It's nice. He's... slowly starting to accept that from others without immense shame and guilt.]
She was lovely. From what I saw. I would have liked to meet her. [A weak smile.] I think she would be very proud of you, Sidon. You are someone to be proud of.
[ if you're done with game tags forever that's fine anna, as i let out a death rattle and take a break from my tlcrs
they've really come a long way if viktor can accept a kind word without argument or deeply internalized shame. he'll have to endure this forever now that we know he's going to be healthy. though this time it's his turn to be a little embarrassed, actually. ]
You're my friend! You're obliged to say as much.
[ ...still, he's obviously pleased to hear it. unfortunate as it is, he does want to make his very dead sister happy. ]
The two of you would've gotten along. Despite your stubbornness, she'd probably have convinced you to take better care of yourself. [ healer instinct. she helped link stay alive, and that guy is always right about to die. ]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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He returns Sidon's hug, but keeps his face hidden.]
Actually... I talked to Lucien... about the two of us going with you. If... that's okay. I don't know if he will... I let the choice be his since he said Throné and Temenos extended an invitation to him as well.
[He is NOT sure they will make it through this.]
As for me... I don't know yet. About my illness. I never thought it would be so easy to... cure. The way everyone makes it seem. Spells, and machines, and all of that. I'm not sure what I will do.
no subject
Of course! I told Lucien he was welcome, if he so wishes. [ he's doesn't know if he'll take the offer either, but it's there if they want it. ] My doors are always open.
[ for when they DEFINITELY survive this final boss fight. ]
...I don't know how simple it will be. [ maybe if mipha was here. ] Even so, a new world is new opportunity for cures. We can take you away from your corrupted waters, get healing, drink new medicines! [ ... ] If you're all right with trying, and hoping, that is. You do have an incredible will to live.
[ must be kind of overwhelming, though. ]
no subject
He really accepts the things they say so easily. They can, they will, all of that.]
I... wanted to do it myself. Especially after... um, Scien. [He still hasn't forgotten Scien's words to him because words stick, words linger.] But I don't know... if I can. I don't know if I will have enough time.
This may be the only chance I have depending on how things go.
no subject
or sometimes you just believe in people who have your best interests at heart, and vice versa. ]
...It's only natural you'd want to save yourself. [ there is a wrinkle of wobbly, unpleasant emotion at the mention of scien, because sidon doesn't hold grudges but. he did punch a guy out over this. ] But accepting help is still a choice you make. So don't feel too helpless if you opt to accept another's hand.
[ there's no shame in buying extra time with what people offer. though his emotions are verging on something rare and—fearful, here. ]
no subject
Sidon has some mild guilt back--at the first half. The way Viktor doesn't even know Sidon punched Scien for him, very hilarious. The way he has not told Lucien that happened either.]
I know... In the end, I would rather... live a normal lifespan than not, so... I will... think about it.
[He leans back and tips his head. HELLO? He has never felt Sidon feel fearful, he doesn't think. Except maybe the time when he had come back and had to fucking die on him; he could tell there was some fear then.]
What's wrong?
no subject
there's some relief at viktor's decision, then a blink of surprise. sidon's usually brave, and in the rare instance he isn't, it's usually not so obvious as to be called out, erring towards excess caution and timidity than abject terror. but now he looks uncertain; maybe viktor can use his giant science brain to piece the connections together, between him dying and a conversation about him dying. ]
Ah, it's nothing.
[ I don't want you to die.
anyway a void opens i will finally give you a memshare even though trial is here. gooby ]
no subject
He really... realizes in this moment, he does not know hardly anything about Sidon's past, or family, or lineage. The guilt of understanding he had never really bothered to question Sidon out of respect swells up in him as the memory fades.
The anxiety makes a lot more sense now. Sidon's worry over him, the true fear he remembers from Sidon after coming back. It makes sense.
He puts a gentle hand on Sidon's arm, frozen in uncertainty for a long moment.]
Sidon... I'm sorry.
no subject
anyway, that's not viktor's fault; he's not one to talk about these things naturally. he has the social grace to dodge bringing up an awkward conversational subject such as dead family members most of the time. it's kind of nice, actually, being in a place where his greatest loss isn't flagrantly public knowledge, a notch in the timeline of an entire species.
he briefly winces as the void fades again, though it evens out when he pats viktor's hand. ]
It's all right, my friend. It was a hundred years ago now.
[ which is an entire human lifespan, if he recalls correctly. ]
no subject
He does not remove his hand. And, actually, he doesn't stop from looking at Sidon directly.]
It doesn't matter how long it's been. Things like that don't just disappear with time.
[They get better to endure, sure, but they do not go away. He is not going to sit here and think that Sky's death is going to vanish from his mind if he lived to be eighty.]
And that's okay.
no subject
besides, he's right. ]
...No, they don't.
[ grief is something that gets easier, smaller, but not really any less potent. it can rise right back up, as sudden as a storm at sea. and when it doesn't hurt, it shapes you—molds fears and goals and expectations. like now. is it okay? it is what it is. ]
I can talk of my sister with fondness and laughter now, as she deserves. But her loss will never leave me. [ he pauses. ruffles viktor's hair in a familiar way, now, with a tired but genuine fondness. ] It makes me overbearing at times, I think. I hope you will endure it.
no subject
I'll endure.
[It's nice, he's learned... to... have people who will care about you regardless of whether or not you think you deserve it at all. It's nice. He's... slowly starting to accept that from others without immense shame and guilt.]
She was lovely. From what I saw. I would have liked to meet her. [A weak smile.] I think she would be very proud of you, Sidon. You are someone to be proud of.
no subject
they've really come a long way if viktor can accept a kind word without argument or deeply internalized shame. he'll have to endure this forever now that we know he's going to be healthy. though this time it's his turn to be a little embarrassed, actually. ]
You're my friend! You're obliged to say as much.
[ ...still, he's obviously pleased to hear it. unfortunate as it is, he does want to make his very dead sister happy. ]
The two of you would've gotten along. Despite your stubbornness, she'd probably have convinced you to take better care of yourself. [ healer instinct. she helped link stay alive, and that guy is always right about to die. ]