[ stop he's rightfully concerned!!!! he does settle, at least. ]
That's... good? [ almost drowning is not drowning. ] That's good! If only everyone's adventures could be so uneventful.
[ which sounds dangerously close to complaining, even by accident. he goes quiet after, awkward for once. ]
Ah, where to start... [ he's good at listening. and chatting? he could just give viktor a report, but whining about how bad his day was is not really a thing he does. ] We were somewhere cold, looking for treasure. It was the wreckage of an ancient, advanced civilization... you'd have really liked it, if it weren't so—um. Horrifying.
[ they can go down to the caverns then. there's enough light to see, but it's also dim enough that all his fun bonus eyes are visible in their glowing. he remembers a name for each of them, spoken very distantly. ]
I had wondered what the names meant. But Margaret had the journal the longest. I think it poisoned her mind first, but maybe it'd broken all of us from the beginning.
[He will take Sidon to the caverns, even if the Eyes and the names make the hair on the back of his neck stand up. Even hearing them spoken makes him feel heavy and nauseous.
There is a frown in his quiet, accent speckled voice.]
It's a dangerous artifact, yes. It takes a strong mind to have the fortitude to withstand them, I think, and even then... a mind can only take so much of nine ancient, powerful mages.
[ he doesn't seem to like recalling them much either, fingers trailing against the walls of the caverns as the descend, waking up the luminous stone into a brighter glow. ]
It's very dangerous. You know he had it still, don't you? [ he stops, sighing—fingers pressed into the crest of his head, like someone might rub their temples. ] It didn't... rend our souls. Maybe it didn't have enough time? But it wanted us to rebuild something called the Threshold Crest, and moved our minds along.
We saw the ruin of their civilization—so many people there died in abject terror... [ it was just. really fucking sad!!! ] And we built a dream out of something truly awful.
[If there is one thing Lucien is above all else, he is a man who cannot let go of things. Then again, he is sure the journal could not let go of Lucien either, and maybe both together is the fate of it.
He has his hands out to make sure he doesn't end up face first in a pool, but he keeps looking at Sidon through the dark with this incredibly concerned but immensely sad expression of understanding.]
Lucien said it was terrible, the way the gods had played with things out of jealousy and anger. What kind of dream did you build?
[ he turns to give him a slightly complicated look back. ]
It's not something he should keep.
[ a gentle warning. he cannot emphasize how badly this book fucked up their lives. he thinks it should be thrown out the airlock into space never to be found again. he'll offer viktor a hand down some of the rocky inclines, because this cyoa made me establish that he has a little dark vision. there's a cold pool nearby. ]
It was made from our memories, the people we loved, or lost. I don't... I don't know how to explain it. It was like playing at god, bringing forth life at the cost of too much else. An experiment, I think. [ these mages are psychos. ] It was a terrible monster in the shape of all of you, and then it laid down and died. We killed it. I am not sure how sane we were after that.
[He takes the hand, very careful at first because of the damn rust, the momentary bloom of pain and numbness, a second reminder of how easily good dreams crumble to ash, and he descends with Sidon so Sidon can pool.
He cannot swim, even with brief practice, so he sits at the edge in a sorrowful daze hearing Sidon give him words that soak his heart like a memory.]
It isn't just the journal, [he murmurs.] It's the Eyes now, too. They're always there, always watching. [He's looking at his purple hand in the dark. Curling it into a fist.] He said he had a plan and the tools.
But I knew already it wasn't going to end the way he thought it would. He won't listen to me, though. He won't listen to anyone because he's stubborn.
[ he doesn't completely submerge, but the water is soothing after feeling like he's gone days without. he crosses his arms and rests them against the edge of the pool, resting his head against them as he looks to viktor. ]
You're stubborn too.
[ said with a little smile. because he is. ]
...If anyone could convince him, it's you. I'd sooner just throw the book into space. [ he looks at one of the eyes on the back of his hand, then out at nothing in particular. it has the vibes of a cat staring out at something in an unseen corner. ] I don't think everything was his memory exactly. It felt like... some of what came before him? I hope it doesn't come to pass.
[He has the decency to look sheepish when Sidon calls him out. Yeah, okay, fair.
He watches Sidon stare into the middle distance, knowing he has had the same look plenty of times in his life. He reaches out to put his hand over Sidon's, covering up the eye on the back so they can pretend it doesn't exist for at least several minutes.]
Maybe I can get him to put it in the trash, and then I'll throw it into the recycling room. But I doubt he'll listen...
[Would he? About the Hex Core? Making Jayce promise it should be destroyed, but then wondering if it would be useful here.]
[ that's right, you ridiculous stubborn little idiot mudfur man. he startles very briefly out of his listless staring, unusually tense, but decides it's nice not to have to look at one of these eyes, at least. ]
It's worth an effort. [ ... ] It was more the memories of a team of treasure hunters. Discovering the fate of Aeor and killing that dream creature were the first two days. By the third, the journal had gripped our minds—I became obsessed with... bringing about a world of my imagining. A better world. I was deluded into thinking those mages in their Astral Sea could do so, if only I brought them what they needed.
[ there is a little splash of water when his fins flick, like a limb kicked out during a nightmare. ]
It isn't worth the cost, Viktor. Of course it isn't! We'd seen how the lot of them sacrificed so... so many of their own people! How could I forget that? I lost myself entirely—I slayed Guy. Owner killed Margaret, and I killed him. [ sometimes you kill a monster made of all your friends and then all go batshit insane and think you can bring everyone back as long as you're the last man standing. he's worked himself up, but then he just deflates, tail slapping miserably at the water once. ] I never want to do that again.
[ gotham sucked but it wasn't half as traumatizing ]
[Gently, he offers Sidon's hand a squeeze of understanding and reassurance. He does not think Sidon shouldn't be, but he hates seeing Sidon's usual chipper optimism torn down by shitty happenstance he and Lucien both suffer from.]
...It isn't my story to tell you, I'm sorry. I hope you get the chance to ask him and hear it. Like me, he has done things... in hindsight... that were not good, things you wouldn't approve of at all.
[His hand reaches up. He wants to brush the crest of Sidon's head, but also doesn't want to annoy Sidon with the stupid, painful rust, so he hesitates and curls his fingers away.]
I believe him, though. He wanted the world to be a better place. But the journal... the mages... like the Hex Core, it... it warps you when you're desperate.
[ idiot, he immediately tilts his head forward, like a cat chasing after a petting hand with its face. he'll deal with his stupid rusty paws. sorry about the pain. ]
...I do sympathize.
[ compassion comes easily for him, empathy even moreso, especially since he's felt the same twist of the mind—the terrible things he did on this expedition will stay with him. there's a brief scoff, though. ]
Though I think he's always had a bit of a... [ nasty streak? an irritating face? he reminds himself to be nice. ] Well, nevermind. I think he's always been a bit troubled. But I will keep an open mind, if ever we get to speak again. Don't we all wish the world were more fair?
if anything, viktor is the one who should probably be careful of any rust on his head. but for now, it seems to recede, concentrating around his eyes and down his body; he leans into the touch, comforted, considering. what he ends up on is: ]
Of a mean streak.
[ he's not petty, that's enough to get the point across. ]
I deserved it, but I hope you'll make sure he behaves. [ he pauses, speaking more gingerly. ] I know it is the result of unkind circumstances.
[ not to excuse anything any of them have done, because he isn't. but he knows some of them have had much harder lives than he has. ]
He will be careful of the rusty head... Please stop getting hurt, you stupid shark, as if he doesn't continue to get hurt and also have 1 constitution point.
For what it's worth, he doesn't seem to be bothered by the call out for Lucien.] Don't say that. You don't deserve it. [He knows Sidon is too Good, and that, ultimately, is why Lucien is so ruffled.]
I understand. He is quite rude and awful. He was mean to me for a while at first in earnest.
[So he doesn't begrudge Sidon the dislike.]
Life hasn't been kind to him at all, but... I think it's also because he is... missing a piece of himself. The one... stuck inside him? I think that's him, too. A piece of him that got left behind in his body when his soul...
I just don't know if... it can be fixed, and if it does, what will happen.
[He is really fucking fussy and firm about this in particular. Even if Sidon had reamed Lucien, or punched the guy, Sidon wouldn't have deserved it. Sometimes, Lucien just needs a good sock, kinda like Scien.
Gently, he shakes his head.]
It isn't me. It's something he will have to do on his own, if he wants to do it at all. I can't... put them together. They have to accept one another again somehow. Come back together. I don't even know if it works that way.
[ wow? stubborn? he deserves a little meanness after he viciously maimed and murdered two friends, but he knows there's no point in arguing.
it makes him smile a little, abashed. ]
If you say so.
[ a pause. he takes a moment to anchor himself in the feeling of water and a grounding touch. it's been a long few days, and it's only now, talking like this, that he's starting to feel like he's returned anywhere. ]
...People don't often heal alone, I think. Maybe the last step is his own, but—I wouldn't discount what a person's love and support can do. [ it's a mentality that he's long adopted—if he can't fix all that ails everyone, he can love and have faith in them, at least. bolster them enough that they can get a little further on their own strength. ] You like to underestimate yourself too much.
[The PVP was not something Sidon could help, and Viktor understands that more than anyone. He cannot begin to say how awful it was to be forced to beat the shit out of Lucien with magic, with distrust.
They weren't even in Lucien's headspace!!
His hand pauses and lifts a little away to give Sidon space to settle in the water. It's probably nice. He remembers, once he stopped panicking, how much better his body felt being weightless in the water.]
No one has really ever relied on me for anything.
[Which is why he got nervous--about Sidon's station. How you going to support a dude in royal burdens when you can't even remember to eat?]
[ PVP is a nightmare! being forced to hurt people you care about is truly the worst possible thing.
he can't quite relax, not with these eyes watching them, but he does feel a little better just submerging some of them. like that'll blur the vision of the nine, somehow. ]
It's different now.
[ which he is gradually trying to convince viktor of. have some self worth you idiot. ]
You know I rely on you. Otherwise I wouldn't be telling you all this—I realize it is a burden to hear. [ he is royalty and it's not his favorite thing to be vulnerable, but he does want to rely on viktor, at least. ]
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Actually... they... weren't even really injured? It was strange. Scien almost drowned inside of a ball of water, but... They're alright.
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That's... good? [ almost drowning is not drowning. ] That's good! If only everyone's adventures could be so uneventful.
[ which sounds dangerously close to complaining, even by accident. he goes quiet after, awkward for once. ]
Ah, where to start... [ he's good at listening. and chatting? he could just give viktor a report, but whining about how bad his day was is not really a thing he does. ] We were somewhere cold, looking for treasure. It was the wreckage of an ancient, advanced civilization... you'd have really liked it, if it weren't so—um. Horrifying.
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The other part actually... does not surprise him for reasons. The Eyes were enough. His smile is tight.]
...Aeor?
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That's right.
[ he's not even surprised that viktor knows. ]
You can probably guess at a bit of what happened to us...?
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A... journal spoke to you? Nine mages got inside you when you accepted the call of it? Your soul got sundered and scattered to the far reaches?
[It's funny if he says this and none of it happened.]
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Fastidian, Ira, Vigilant. Luctus, Elatis, Culpasi. Timorei, Mirumus, Gaudius.
[ a long pause, before he sighs. ]
I had wondered what the names meant. But Margaret had the journal the longest. I think it poisoned her mind first, but maybe it'd broken all of us from the beginning.
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There is a frown in his quiet, accent speckled voice.]
It's a dangerous artifact, yes. It takes a strong mind to have the fortitude to withstand them, I think, and even then... a mind can only take so much of nine ancient, powerful mages.
...Did they ask you to do anything for them?
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It's very dangerous. You know he had it still, don't you? [ he stops, sighing—fingers pressed into the crest of his head, like someone might rub their temples. ] It didn't... rend our souls. Maybe it didn't have enough time? But it wanted us to rebuild something called the Threshold Crest, and moved our minds along.
We saw the ruin of their civilization—so many people there died in abject terror... [ it was just. really fucking sad!!! ] And we built a dream out of something truly awful.
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[If there is one thing Lucien is above all else, he is a man who cannot let go of things. Then again, he is sure the journal could not let go of Lucien either, and maybe both together is the fate of it.
He has his hands out to make sure he doesn't end up face first in a pool, but he keeps looking at Sidon through the dark with this incredibly concerned but immensely sad expression of understanding.]
Lucien said it was terrible, the way the gods had played with things out of jealousy and anger. What kind of dream did you build?
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It's not something he should keep.
[ a gentle warning. he cannot emphasize how badly this book fucked up their lives. he thinks it should be thrown out the airlock into space never to be found again. he'll offer viktor a hand down some of the rocky inclines, because this cyoa made me establish that he has a little dark vision. there's a cold pool nearby. ]
It was made from our memories, the people we loved, or lost. I don't... I don't know how to explain it. It was like playing at god, bringing forth life at the cost of too much else. An experiment, I think. [ these mages are psychos. ] It was a terrible monster in the shape of all of you, and then it laid down and died. We killed it. I am not sure how sane we were after that.
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[He takes the hand, very careful at first because of the damn rust, the momentary bloom of pain and numbness, a second reminder of how easily good dreams crumble to ash, and he descends with Sidon so Sidon can pool.
He cannot swim, even with brief practice, so he sits at the edge in a sorrowful daze hearing Sidon give him words that soak his heart like a memory.]
It isn't just the journal, [he murmurs.] It's the Eyes now, too. They're always there, always watching. [He's looking at his purple hand in the dark. Curling it into a fist.] He said he had a plan and the tools.
But I knew already it wasn't going to end the way he thought it would. He won't listen to me, though. He won't listen to anyone because he's stubborn.
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You're stubborn too.
[ said with a little smile. because he is. ]
...If anyone could convince him, it's you. I'd sooner just throw the book into space. [ he looks at one of the eyes on the back of his hand, then out at nothing in particular. it has the vibes of a cat staring out at something in an unseen corner. ] I don't think everything was his memory exactly. It felt like... some of what came before him? I hope it doesn't come to pass.
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He watches Sidon stare into the middle distance, knowing he has had the same look plenty of times in his life. He reaches out to put his hand over Sidon's, covering up the eye on the back so they can pretend it doesn't exist for at least several minutes.]
Maybe I can get him to put it in the trash, and then I'll throw it into the recycling room. But I doubt he'll listen...
[Would he? About the Hex Core? Making Jayce promise it should be destroyed, but then wondering if it would be useful here.]
What kinds of memories were they?
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It's worth an effort. [ ... ] It was more the memories of a team of treasure hunters. Discovering the fate of Aeor and killing that dream creature were the first two days. By the third, the journal had gripped our minds—I became obsessed with... bringing about a world of my imagining. A better world. I was deluded into thinking those mages in their Astral Sea could do so, if only I brought them what they needed.
[ there is a little splash of water when his fins flick, like a limb kicked out during a nightmare. ]
It isn't worth the cost, Viktor. Of course it isn't! We'd seen how the lot of them sacrificed so... so many of their own people! How could I forget that? I lost myself entirely—I slayed Guy. Owner killed Margaret, and I killed him. [ sometimes you kill a monster made of all your friends and then all go batshit insane and think you can bring everyone back as long as you're the last man standing. he's worked himself up, but then he just deflates, tail slapping miserably at the water once. ] I never want to do that again.
[ gotham sucked but it wasn't half as traumatizing ]
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...It isn't my story to tell you, I'm sorry. I hope you get the chance to ask him and hear it. Like me, he has done things... in hindsight... that were not good, things you wouldn't approve of at all.
[His hand reaches up. He wants to brush the crest of Sidon's head, but also doesn't want to annoy Sidon with the stupid, painful rust, so he hesitates and curls his fingers away.]
I believe him, though. He wanted the world to be a better place. But the journal... the mages... like the Hex Core, it... it warps you when you're desperate.
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...I do sympathize.
[ compassion comes easily for him, empathy even moreso, especially since he's felt the same twist of the mind—the terrible things he did on this expedition will stay with him. there's a brief scoff, though. ]
Though I think he's always had a bit of a... [ nasty streak? an irritating face? he reminds himself to be nice. ] Well, nevermind. I think he's always been a bit troubled. But I will keep an open mind, if ever we get to speak again. Don't we all wish the world were more fair?
[ that much, they all have in common. ]
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Sidon should say it, honestly. It's valid!! Lucien has an awful personality and Viktor can do better. Clearly.
Giving in, he pets Sidon gently, murmuring an apology for the rusty paws. It's at least the stupid numb one, not the thousand suns one.]
You think he always had a bit of...?
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if anything, viktor is the one who should probably be careful of any rust on his head. but for now, it seems to recede, concentrating around his eyes and down his body; he leans into the touch, comforted, considering. what he ends up on is: ]
Of a mean streak.
[ he's not petty, that's enough to get the point across. ]
I deserved it, but I hope you'll make sure he behaves. [ he pauses, speaking more gingerly. ] I know it is the result of unkind circumstances.
[ not to excuse anything any of them have done, because he isn't. but he knows some of them have had much harder lives than he has. ]
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He will be careful of the rusty head... Please stop getting hurt, you stupid shark, as if he doesn't continue to get hurt and also have 1 constitution point.
For what it's worth, he doesn't seem to be bothered by the call out for Lucien.] Don't say that. You don't deserve it. [He knows Sidon is too Good, and that, ultimately, is why Lucien is so ruffled.]
I understand. He is quite rude and awful. He was mean to me for a while at first in earnest.
[So he doesn't begrudge Sidon the dislike.]
Life hasn't been kind to him at all, but... I think it's also because he is... missing a piece of himself. The one... stuck inside him? I think that's him, too. A piece of him that got left behind in his body when his soul...
I just don't know if... it can be fixed, and if it does, what will happen.
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I did deserve it this time.
[ but he wouldn't put up with being treated poorly forever because he has self esteem, it's okay. in any case, he tilts his head. ]
If all the pieces are there... you should be able to put them back together somehow, right? I'm sure you'll manage it.
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[He is really fucking fussy and firm about this in particular. Even if Sidon had reamed Lucien, or punched the guy, Sidon wouldn't have deserved it. Sometimes, Lucien just needs a good sock, kinda like Scien.
Gently, he shakes his head.]
It isn't me. It's something he will have to do on his own, if he wants to do it at all. I can't... put them together. They have to accept one another again somehow. Come back together. I don't even know if it works that way.
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it makes him smile a little, abashed. ]
If you say so.
[ a pause. he takes a moment to anchor himself in the feeling of water and a grounding touch. it's been a long few days, and it's only now, talking like this, that he's starting to feel like he's returned anywhere. ]
...People don't often heal alone, I think. Maybe the last step is his own, but—I wouldn't discount what a person's love and support can do. [ it's a mentality that he's long adopted—if he can't fix all that ails everyone, he can love and have faith in them, at least. bolster them enough that they can get a little further on their own strength. ] You like to underestimate yourself too much.
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They weren't even in Lucien's headspace!!
His hand pauses and lifts a little away to give Sidon space to settle in the water. It's probably nice. He remembers, once he stopped panicking, how much better his body felt being weightless in the water.]
No one has really ever relied on me for anything.
[Which is why he got nervous--about Sidon's station. How you going to support a dude in royal burdens when you can't even remember to eat?]
Except maybe Jayce with our research.
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he can't quite relax, not with these eyes watching them, but he does feel a little better just submerging some of them. like that'll blur the vision of the nine, somehow. ]
It's different now.
[ which he is gradually trying to convince viktor of. have some self worth you idiot. ]
You know I rely on you. Otherwise I wouldn't be telling you all this—I realize it is a burden to hear. [ he is royalty and it's not his favorite thing to be vulnerable, but he does want to rely on viktor, at least. ]
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Once Sidon is settled, he shifts so he can lie down carefully by the edge on his back, straightening it out beneath him, wincing. Better.]
I know, I know... It's not a burden. I don't mind listening to anything you have to tell me. You listen to me all the time. It's fair.
[DON'T TALK ABOUT HIM, MR. PRINCE SIDON WHO DOESN'T WANT ANYONE ELSE TO WORRY ABOUT HIM!]
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