[ it is pointless! he's stubborn, too. he doesn't know how much viktor means what he says, but maybe one day he'll beat it through his thick skull that he wants to be here. he bears viktor's weight easily, a little flutter moving across his fins. ]
Thank you.
[ there's some relief in the way his grip loosens, though it doesn't let go. ]
Viktor—when we were cursed, maybe those feelings were... manipulated. [ love arrows is kind of fucked up if you think too hard about it, which he hasn't before. he hadn't minded it, mostly setting it aside to be polite to his very shy co-victim. ] But back then, I told you I would tell you this often: I care for you. I love you!
[ he says it without any difficulty. ]
...I don't know if that frightens you. Or perhaps—...maybe you don't feel you deserve it? [ maybe he doesn't understand it, despite being a genius. the heart is very different from reason. ] Still, I'll remind you. Until you can believe it.
His brain skips as soon as he hears the words I love you! pop out of Sidon's mouth. Sidon keeps talking, but Viktor's brain pan doesn't even move forward at all. He's stuck. He's revving the engine in neutral, hung up on those three words.
WAIT? Go back, wait.
He stands there looking like the stupid fish again. He is one of Runeterra's most brilliant minds, and here he is, rendered absolutely full of idiocy with this type of landscape. He's never done this before. He has never had to navigate any of this before.
Now he has to figure out, he realizes, what Sidon means by this. Love... love? Friendly love? Sidon is so bold with his feelings always. He thinks about Lucien's last words to him, before he even had known Sidon was killed: Don't get too cozy with that smug, rich fish either. What does THIS mean, by the way? WHAT DO THESE MEN MEAN?]
--Hold on. I... Wait just a moment. [Struggling to find the right words here.] You... what?
the way this was actually a very dire moment and now he has to fish viktor's brain out of the primordial murk because—he really can be very dumb. has anyone said this to him before? lucien, maybe? they obviously have a connection. not that sidon minds, it doesn't affect his feelings any.
whatever those feelings may be... ]
I care for you? [ he pauses, then smiles finally, more wry than usual. ] Or, I love you?
[Well, yes, to the first part still. He does not and maybe will not ever understand why someone like Sidon, of all people, thinks to care for him. He really hasn't accomplished anything except pain and suffering, dying early, and now being incredible stupid at every turn.
The way his expression ! at the second phrase. It's clear it was that making him bog down into the ground.]
Yes... That... What do you...? Why would you say that?
[ oh, so he melted that brilliant brain of his by saying 'i love you.' if only everyone could be felled so easily.
his smile mellows, tempered, even though he's often the type to laugh and bolt ahead. even he can be a little—abashed? not often, but on occasions like having to explain emotions to another grown man. he's not an expert on the differentiations of love.
it seems important to say anyway, in the case of someone who loves himself so little, like viktor. ]
Because that's how I feel!
[ why else would he say it? straightforward. while he doesn't tend to declare his love very often, because people might take it the wrong way from a prince, he does love openly. ]
But don't worry. It doesn't have to mean anything that you don't want it to. [ he doesn't need to freak out... ]
Edited (fixes a typo an hour later) 2024-03-21 06:09 (UTC)
He... truly does not know what to do with this at all. He doesn't know what to do with any of this! He struggles visibly with the mounting pressure of filling the silence before it's awkward, before assumptions are made.]
I... No, it's just... I... There... [He runs his hand back through his hair, stunned.] I don't understand. I don't...
I've... never, um. I thought the curse... [HELP HIM, HE IS SO BAD AT THIS TRULY. He looks hopelessly up at Sidon.] Sorry, my thoughts, I... need a moment...
[ he watches viktor have a breakdown without comment, patiently waiting through the stumbling words. maybe this should feel more awkward, but having not had any expectations to begin with, he's just apologetic that this has sent him spiraling. it was supposed to make him feel better? ]
You don't need to think so hard about it! ...Though that's a pointless thing to tell you.
[ of course he's going to overthink it. still, there's no need to say anything in return; it only means as much or as little as viktor wants it to. there's so many types of love. he reaches out to fix viktor's hair from where he's mussed it all up again, largely failing as usual, and rests his hand against all the disturbed fluff there a moment after. ]
It's just something I wanted you to know. It's all right if you don't have a response right now.
[ or—even if viktor rejected such a feeling outright, it wouldn't stop him from saying it. he stands up, smiling almost casually. ]
—Well then! Shall we get out of this place? It's a bit dark for you.
[The fluff just gets fluffier when this is done because they is simply how curly hair works. It gets more annoyingly poofy the more you brush it. His head shakes beneath Sidon's hand.]
No, I... want to stay. I don't... want you to see.
[Him look like a fucking train wreck. Him exist as a train wreck. He's had such a difficult time being ridiculed by Scien for being an emotional disaster, and now he is humiliated every time by it.]
Sorry... I just... have never done anything like this before. [This also sounds so humiliating. Imagine being thirty and never really having experienced... what? Love? Romance? Anything?] And now... again...
People are suddenly interested, and I... don't know where... Well, I guess I know where you stand now, but... This is why I prefer machines... Everything isn't so complicated by... feelings.
[ WHAT IS HE ALWAYS SUCH A SAD LITTLE MAN FOR?? he'd rather usher viktor out of the caverns. he wants him to stop shrinking away and apologizing. ]
I want to see you.
[ though instead of dragging him out kicking and screaming, he travels his hand down viktor's hair to his jaw, keeping him from hiding in on himself all the way. he's careful with his nails, but not shy with his touch. ]
You know, you're not a machine. You can't turn off those emotions—you may as well enjoy the good ones! [ even if he claims to be allergic to feelings, he obviously has them. it's part of why he'd connected to viktor more naturally and personally than scien. both brilliant, both rational, but viktor's heart is more... human. ]
And you did get to try out love for a while. Can't you let yourself imagine doing those things in earnest?
[ with him, or—well, 'people' is definitely lucien. sidon isn't a genius engineer, but he has something in short supply, which is the ability to read a crowd. ]
Don't be afraid to give it some thought. That's all I ask.
[His head lifts slightly, but his mood is withering. He doesn't want emotions......... Can he trade with Scien? EMOTIONS ARE SO COMPLICATED. He's too neurodivergent for this kind of hellscape.
He reaches up, resting his hand on Sidon's forearm.]
...I'll try to explain. Once we're outside.
[He wants to hide in the dark as is his nature, but he doesn't want Sidon to throw him over a shoulder because he's being unruly.]
[ imagine he just picks him up like a sack of potatoes
no it's fine they can go somewhere with actual lighting. the way sidon sleeps in a cave pool so he's down there all the time. he's curious what needs explanation, but... ]
All right—let's be off!
[ he'll pat his hand and usher them somewhere with like, light. the bar is low. ]
[THAT WOULD BE FUNNY. He would simply accept his fate and sag being carried out.
IT'S DARK AS FUCK AND HE IS A NORMIE HUMAN WHO CAN'T SEE, so he uses Sidon as a guiding support until they clamber out of the dark ass cavern into... probably somewhere just as stupidly dark, but we have to pretend it isn't.]
I hate forcing you to have to tend to me at every turn.
[ STOP he'll carry viktor around if there's suddenly some water they have to cross but otherwise his stupid stubborn ass can walk himself around.
he just follows the veins of light, the gentle illumination from the various floating life forms until they're out into the also dimly lit helly belly.
though he pauses at 'force.' he is being 'forced' to attend him. ]
[ he just affirmed that he loves being around viktor? hello? but he's realized that the damage he's sustained over so many years is carved deep into him. he hadn't understood why he'd been ready to fight scien. he hadn't comprehended basically any act of basic decency given his way. ]
I'm starting to believe you think too highly of me. That you would think your company is some weight I must bear.
If I'm completely honest with you, I've never even seen a royal much less been in the presence of one, so...
[He releases Sidon only so he can meander somewhere nearby to sit down. His leg, though not connected to the Hex Core, isn't as bad as it once was; however, his back is still not great.]
I'm sure your world is vastly different than anything I've ever experienced in my whole life. Even being un Piltover. I am just a sewer rat in comparison. Socially, I mean.
But anyway... I don't mean to... divide us like that. I hate the idea.
[ he sits so he doesn't completely dwarf him, though there's a rare disdain in the way his lips thin together. sewer rat... truly viktor has just lived the most unfortunate existence possible. ]
Good! I hate it too.
[ but his displeasure bleeds out into thoughtfulness in a cant of his head. his tone turns almost staid compared to the norm, serious. ]
Royalty isn't about status so much as a responsibility you are born into. I serve a higher calling—that doesn't mean I exist above others. [ being a prince demands being modest, even. it's an important part of the job. ] Still, that isn't just a trait for nobility. Anyone can want to do... more. To make a difference.
[ he's always been drawn to that—it's the sort of conviction that immediately made him attached to link. ]
[SIDON REALLY HAS TO PUT UP WITH HIS BULLSHIT BAD SELF-ESTEEM... The quickness Sidon throws everything out the window.]
I'll never... [He laughs wryly.] How do you always know what to say? At every occasion, no matter what it is. You always know the right thing to say. I'm jealous.
[He shakes his head and pushes his hand back through his hair again.]
I know. I understand. Just... things are different in Piltover and Zaun. Socially, like I said. The councilmen aren't even born into the role. They're elected by vote. But... it doesn't mean they don't see themselves above others. Not even the councilmen. People in Piltover are the same about people from Zaun.
[He waves his hand dismissively.]
Sorry. Politics. I'm not really involved... I'm just an inventor and former Academy student. I don't think you're wrong, is what I mean to say. It's just always been different for me.
[ imagine, if you will, life as one of the handful of people who do not actively hate themselves. even on the days where his confidence takes a dive, he's not hitting the self-loathing juice. he answers brightly, a pleased little swish of his head-tail. ]
Hah—I just say what's on my mind!
[ he's not mipha, universally adored, but at least he's good at connecting with people. usually, anyway. there are people here who make him realize he still has a long way to go, like viktor. ]
...The more you tell me of your homeworld, the more I can see what hardships you've had to endure, my friend. There are Zora who look poorly on Hylians, but it isn't endemic. [ they don't have massive gaps of social standing. hyrule is a bountiful land, capable of supporting so much life. ] You've spent your life swimming in the dark. It makes you feel some great distance between you and others, who live closer to the surface. [ people like royalty. people who have looked down on him and zaun. ] Is that it?
[As much as Viktor complains, he appreciates Sidon's honesty. It's refreshing. He doesn't have any weird ass terrain to navigate. Sidon is just... honest.
Also... this assessment is more true than Sidon realizes. Being from Zaun is one mark against him, but more than that, he has always had a bad leg. The disability is even more Othering than the Undercity birth. An outcast. Separated from a different sort of society. There are more mutant humanoids in the Undercity than in Piltover.
Because of all of this, he connects more easily with non-humans. With people like Lucien, like Sidon.]
Yes... It's... I don't know how to explain humans to you really. But when you're different... they don't exactly want much to do with you. Especially when you're kids. So... I never really had any friends. I couldn't go where many of the kids went, and a lot of them made fun of me anyway.
[ he's had a lot of chats about humans since he's gotten here. they can be cruel. is it a human thing? an intellectual mortal thing? he's quiet a moment. ]
You know—there were a handful of people ready to attack me when we got here.
[ there's no grudge in his voice. he doesn't mind at all, and the people who did had their reasons, and it'd never gone beyond a first meeting—he has a disarming enough personality. still, of course he notices being different. it's impossible not to.
he's just never had to live his whole life as an outcast, where his own home might not even have a place for him. viktor has had that awareness, that knowledge of being different, being other, for his whole life. he smiles, swaying enough to bump against viktor's side. ]
But you were never afraid! Not from the moment you saw me. [ ... ] ...I'm sorry that people treated you so unkindly. [ he thinks about the little boat he'd picked up, a brilliant toy made up as a byproduct of loneliness. ] I'm grateful that it made you compassionate, rather than cold.
[The way his expression crumples when he hears that. It's true he can logically understand people stumbling out of the stasis pods confused and scared, BUT STILL. Sidon should not be treated that way even so.
He's already shaking his head dismissively when Sidon tries to steer the conversation back to him.]
There are... [He pauses, not sure how to say what he wants when trying to explain it to someone else not from Runeterra.] There are races like yours in the Undercity. Um... [Gesturing at all of Sidon.] Bats, sharks, other... humanoid, but non-human races.
It was actually... a relief to see you. I thought... you and Lucien... were from the Undercity. I thought [a wry laugh] I wasn't alone here, I guess.
[Being bothered by two people he felt a connection to almost immediately because he's stupid.
Both of his brows rise in shock afterward, though. Is this what he sounds like regularly?]
N-No... No! It's not that--I don't! It's... um, the opppsite. It's--complicated. I...
[He does not know where the FCK to start with this at all. Hello?]
Sorry, I'm... terrible at explaining... [He shakes his head, frustrated.] No, I mean... you and Lucien became important to me... unbelievably quickly. We were cursed, so I thought... it had just been the curse.
I thought Lucien was also cursed later! But he is just an idiot. He kept [HE GETS SO EMBARASSED SORRY his face really gets red] kissing me, but it was the night before I died, so...
[A helpless shrug.]
I'm so... I've never done this before in my life. I've never paid any attention to it-- Why would I? No one ever... I was just a cripple to everyone, unattractive. So I focused instead on my work and studies, then in Hextech. My body was already ruined, so I didn't think anything wrong with... using it to test my work. To test the Hex Core.
I don't know what to do with all of this... attention. I've never been so confused in my life.
[ (viktor voice) strangely i enjoy being liked by other people who i also like
he will spare him the embarrassment of saying aloud that the flustering is endearing. he is also not at all shocked to hear that lucien moves so quickly. they obviously have a connection? who would've guessed, besides literally the entire game.
but there's some other details there that are a little... dire. he leans in to meet his eyes. ]
No one can be a genius at all things, Viktor. But don't abuse yourself that way any longer.
[ he's firm in saying so, serious, but eases into a more sympathetic smile. ]
I'm sorry for complicating things for you. [ ....... ] Hm. Actually, no, I'm not! I think you should see what it's like, to be cared after! You should live knowing that people find you attractive! [ HE'S NOT THAT SORRY. then, a tiny pause. maybe bordering on some sheepishness. ] I love many people, but—it is confusing for me as well, sometimes. Emotions are not a very quantifiable thing. The curse was at once enlightening and mystifying.
[ his approach is a little simpler, though. ]
But if you don't dislike my attention, or his, then why not just accept it?
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Thank you.
[ there's some relief in the way his grip loosens, though it doesn't let go. ]
Viktor—when we were cursed, maybe those feelings were... manipulated. [ love arrows is kind of fucked up if you think too hard about it, which he hasn't before. he hadn't minded it, mostly setting it aside to be polite to his very shy co-victim. ] But back then, I told you I would tell you this often: I care for you. I love you!
[ he says it without any difficulty. ]
...I don't know if that frightens you. Or perhaps—...maybe you don't feel you deserve it? [ maybe he doesn't understand it, despite being a genius. the heart is very different from reason. ] Still, I'll remind you. Until you can believe it.
no subject
His brain skips as soon as he hears the words I love you! pop out of Sidon's mouth. Sidon keeps talking, but Viktor's brain pan doesn't even move forward at all. He's stuck. He's revving the engine in neutral, hung up on those three words.
WAIT? Go back, wait.
He stands there looking like the stupid fish again. He is one of Runeterra's most brilliant minds, and here he is, rendered absolutely full of idiocy with this type of landscape. He's never done this before. He has never had to navigate any of this before.
Now he has to figure out, he realizes, what Sidon means by this. Love... love? Friendly love? Sidon is so bold with his feelings always. He thinks about Lucien's last words to him, before he even had known Sidon was killed: Don't get too cozy with that smug, rich fish either. What does THIS mean, by the way? WHAT DO THESE MEN MEAN?]
--Hold on. I... Wait just a moment. [Struggling to find the right words here.] You... what?
no subject
the way this was actually a very dire moment and now he has to fish viktor's brain out of the primordial murk because—he really can be very dumb. has anyone said this to him before? lucien, maybe? they obviously have a connection. not that sidon minds, it doesn't affect his feelings any.
whatever those feelings may be... ]
I care for you? [ he pauses, then smiles finally, more wry than usual. ] Or, I love you?
[ is that what he's getting caught up on? ]
no subject
The way his expression ! at the second phrase. It's clear it was that making him bog down into the ground.]
Yes... That... What do you...? Why would you say that?
no subject
his smile mellows, tempered, even though he's often the type to laugh and bolt ahead. even he can be a little—abashed? not often, but on occasions like having to explain emotions to another grown man. he's not an expert on the differentiations of love.
it seems important to say anyway, in the case of someone who loves himself so little, like viktor. ]
Because that's how I feel!
[ why else would he say it? straightforward. while he doesn't tend to declare his love very often, because people might take it the wrong way from a prince, he does love openly. ]
But don't worry. It doesn't have to mean anything that you don't want it to. [ he doesn't need to freak out... ]
no subject
He... truly does not know what to do with this at all. He doesn't know what to do with any of this! He struggles visibly with the mounting pressure of filling the silence before it's awkward, before assumptions are made.]
I... No, it's just... I... There... [He runs his hand back through his hair, stunned.] I don't understand. I don't...
I've... never, um. I thought the curse... [HELP HIM, HE IS SO BAD AT THIS TRULY. He looks hopelessly up at Sidon.] Sorry, my thoughts, I... need a moment...
[His brain is in shambles.]
no subject
You don't need to think so hard about it! ...Though that's a pointless thing to tell you.
[ of course he's going to overthink it. still, there's no need to say anything in return; it only means as much or as little as viktor wants it to. there's so many types of love. he reaches out to fix viktor's hair from where he's mussed it all up again, largely failing as usual, and rests his hand against all the disturbed fluff there a moment after. ]
It's just something I wanted you to know. It's all right if you don't have a response right now.
[ or—even if viktor rejected such a feeling outright, it wouldn't stop him from saying it. he stands up, smiling almost casually. ]
—Well then! Shall we get out of this place? It's a bit dark for you.
no subject
No, I... want to stay. I don't... want you to see.
[Him look like a fucking train wreck. Him exist as a train wreck. He's had such a difficult time being ridiculed by Scien for being an emotional disaster, and now he is humiliated every time by it.]
Sorry... I just... have never done anything like this before. [This also sounds so humiliating. Imagine being thirty and never really having experienced... what? Love? Romance? Anything?] And now... again...
People are suddenly interested, and I... don't know where... Well, I guess I know where you stand now, but... This is why I prefer machines... Everything isn't so complicated by... feelings.
no subject
I want to see you.
[ though instead of dragging him out kicking and screaming, he travels his hand down viktor's hair to his jaw, keeping him from hiding in on himself all the way. he's careful with his nails, but not shy with his touch. ]
You know, you're not a machine. You can't turn off those emotions—you may as well enjoy the good ones! [ even if he claims to be allergic to feelings, he obviously has them. it's part of why he'd connected to viktor more naturally and personally than scien. both brilliant, both rational, but viktor's heart is more... human. ]
And you did get to try out love for a while. Can't you let yourself imagine doing those things in earnest?
[ with him, or—well, 'people' is definitely lucien. sidon isn't a genius engineer, but he has something in short supply, which is the ability to read a crowd. ]
Don't be afraid to give it some thought. That's all I ask.
no subject
He reaches up, resting his hand on Sidon's forearm.]
...I'll try to explain. Once we're outside.
[He wants to hide in the dark as is his nature, but he doesn't want Sidon to throw him over a shoulder because he's being unruly.]
no subject
no it's fine they can go somewhere with actual lighting. the way sidon sleeps in a cave pool so he's down there all the time. he's curious what needs explanation, but... ]
All right—let's be off!
[ he'll pat his hand and usher them somewhere with like, light. the bar is low. ]
no subject
IT'S DARK AS FUCK AND HE IS A NORMIE HUMAN WHO CAN'T SEE, so he uses Sidon as a guiding support until they clamber out of the dark ass cavern into... probably somewhere just as stupidly dark, but we have to pretend it isn't.]
I hate forcing you to have to tend to me at every turn.
[He'll just be honest.]
no subject
he just follows the veins of light, the gentle illumination from the various floating life forms until they're out into the also dimly lit helly belly.
though he pauses at 'force.' he is being 'forced' to attend him. ]
Do you think I don't rely on you?
no subject
Quietly:] Sorry... I just... feel like more of a burden than others would normally be. [When your body is failing, you have a lot of shame.]
It's alright... I know you do.
no subject
Your presence is never a burden.
[ he just affirmed that he loves being around viktor? hello? but he's realized that the damage he's sustained over so many years is carved deep into him. he hadn't understood why he'd been ready to fight scien. he hadn't comprehended basically any act of basic decency given his way. ]
I'm starting to believe you think too highly of me. That you would think your company is some weight I must bear.
no subject
[He releases Sidon only so he can meander somewhere nearby to sit down. His leg, though not connected to the Hex Core, isn't as bad as it once was; however, his back is still not great.]
I'm sure your world is vastly different than anything I've ever experienced in my whole life. Even being un Piltover. I am just a sewer rat in comparison. Socially, I mean.
But anyway... I don't mean to... divide us like that. I hate the idea.
no subject
Good! I hate it too.
[ but his displeasure bleeds out into thoughtfulness in a cant of his head. his tone turns almost staid compared to the norm, serious. ]
Royalty isn't about status so much as a responsibility you are born into. I serve a higher calling—that doesn't mean I exist above others. [ being a prince demands being modest, even. it's an important part of the job. ] Still, that isn't just a trait for nobility. Anyone can want to do... more. To make a difference.
[ he's always been drawn to that—it's the sort of conviction that immediately made him attached to link. ]
no subject
I'll never... [He laughs wryly.] How do you always know what to say? At every occasion, no matter what it is. You always know the right thing to say. I'm jealous.
[He shakes his head and pushes his hand back through his hair again.]
I know. I understand. Just... things are different in Piltover and Zaun. Socially, like I said. The councilmen aren't even born into the role. They're elected by vote. But... it doesn't mean they don't see themselves above others. Not even the councilmen. People in Piltover are the same about people from Zaun.
[He waves his hand dismissively.]
Sorry. Politics. I'm not really involved... I'm just an inventor and former Academy student. I don't think you're wrong, is what I mean to say. It's just always been different for me.
no subject
Hah—I just say what's on my mind!
[ he's not mipha, universally adored, but at least he's good at connecting with people. usually, anyway. there are people here who make him realize he still has a long way to go, like viktor. ]
...The more you tell me of your homeworld, the more I can see what hardships you've had to endure, my friend. There are Zora who look poorly on Hylians, but it isn't endemic. [ they don't have massive gaps of social standing. hyrule is a bountiful land, capable of supporting so much life. ] You've spent your life swimming in the dark. It makes you feel some great distance between you and others, who live closer to the surface. [ people like royalty. people who have looked down on him and zaun. ] Is that it?
no subject
Also... this assessment is more true than Sidon realizes. Being from Zaun is one mark against him, but more than that, he has always had a bad leg. The disability is even more Othering than the Undercity birth. An outcast. Separated from a different sort of society. There are more mutant humanoids in the Undercity than in Piltover.
Because of all of this, he connects more easily with non-humans. With people like Lucien, like Sidon.]
Yes... It's... I don't know how to explain humans to you really. But when you're different... they don't exactly want much to do with you. Especially when you're kids. So... I never really had any friends. I couldn't go where many of the kids went, and a lot of them made fun of me anyway.
no subject
You know—there were a handful of people ready to attack me when we got here.
[ there's no grudge in his voice. he doesn't mind at all, and the people who did had their reasons, and it'd never gone beyond a first meeting—he has a disarming enough personality. still, of course he notices being different. it's impossible not to.
he's just never had to live his whole life as an outcast, where his own home might not even have a place for him. viktor has had that awareness, that knowledge of being different, being other, for his whole life. he smiles, swaying enough to bump against viktor's side. ]
But you were never afraid! Not from the moment you saw me. [ ... ] ...I'm sorry that people treated you so unkindly. [ he thinks about the little boat he'd picked up, a brilliant toy made up as a byproduct of loneliness. ] I'm grateful that it made you compassionate, rather than cold.
no subject
He's already shaking his head dismissively when Sidon tries to steer the conversation back to him.]
There are... [He pauses, not sure how to say what he wants when trying to explain it to someone else not from Runeterra.] There are races like yours in the Undercity. Um... [Gesturing at all of Sidon.] Bats, sharks, other... humanoid, but non-human races.
It was actually... a relief to see you. I thought... you and Lucien... were from the Undercity. I thought [a wry laugh] I wasn't alone here, I guess.
no subject
the way viktor stubbornly refuses his compliments! stubborn, stubborn. how is he supposed to encourage him? he'll find a way eventually. ]
Well, you weren't completely wrong. Neither of us will let you be.
[ STUCK WITH THESE MONSTERS ]
But is this what you wanted to explain? That you feel this distance with me, too?
no subject
Strangely, I actually... don't mind it.
[Being bothered by two people he felt a connection to almost immediately because he's stupid.
Both of his brows rise in shock afterward, though. Is this what he sounds like regularly?]
N-No... No! It's not that--I don't! It's... um, the opppsite. It's--complicated. I...
[He does not know where the FCK to start with this at all. Hello?]
Sorry, I'm... terrible at explaining... [He shakes his head, frustrated.] No, I mean... you and Lucien became important to me... unbelievably quickly. We were cursed, so I thought... it had just been the curse.
I thought Lucien was also cursed later! But he is just an idiot. He kept [HE GETS SO EMBARASSED SORRY his face really gets red] kissing me, but it was the night before I died, so...
[A helpless shrug.]
I'm so... I've never done this before in my life. I've never paid any attention to it-- Why would I? No one ever... I was just a cripple to everyone, unattractive. So I focused instead on my work and studies, then in Hextech. My body was already ruined, so I didn't think anything wrong with... using it to test my work. To test the Hex Core.
I don't know what to do with all of this... attention. I've never been so confused in my life.
no subject
he will spare him the embarrassment of saying aloud that the flustering is endearing. he is also not at all shocked to hear that lucien moves so quickly. they obviously have a connection? who would've guessed, besides literally the entire game.
but there's some other details there that are a little... dire. he leans in to meet his eyes. ]
No one can be a genius at all things, Viktor. But don't abuse yourself that way any longer.
[ he's firm in saying so, serious, but eases into a more sympathetic smile. ]
I'm sorry for complicating things for you. [ ....... ] Hm. Actually, no, I'm not! I think you should see what it's like, to be cared after! You should live knowing that people find you attractive! [ HE'S NOT THAT SORRY. then, a tiny pause. maybe bordering on some sheepishness. ] I love many people, but—it is confusing for me as well, sometimes. Emotions are not a very quantifiable thing. The curse was at once enlightening and mystifying.
[ his approach is a little simpler, though. ]
But if you don't dislike my attention, or his, then why not just accept it?
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