[ he just affirmed that he loves being around viktor? hello? but he's realized that the damage he's sustained over so many years is carved deep into him. he hadn't understood why he'd been ready to fight scien. he hadn't comprehended basically any act of basic decency given his way. ]
I'm starting to believe you think too highly of me. That you would think your company is some weight I must bear.
If I'm completely honest with you, I've never even seen a royal much less been in the presence of one, so...
[He releases Sidon only so he can meander somewhere nearby to sit down. His leg, though not connected to the Hex Core, isn't as bad as it once was; however, his back is still not great.]
I'm sure your world is vastly different than anything I've ever experienced in my whole life. Even being un Piltover. I am just a sewer rat in comparison. Socially, I mean.
But anyway... I don't mean to... divide us like that. I hate the idea.
[ he sits so he doesn't completely dwarf him, though there's a rare disdain in the way his lips thin together. sewer rat... truly viktor has just lived the most unfortunate existence possible. ]
Good! I hate it too.
[ but his displeasure bleeds out into thoughtfulness in a cant of his head. his tone turns almost staid compared to the norm, serious. ]
Royalty isn't about status so much as a responsibility you are born into. I serve a higher calling—that doesn't mean I exist above others. [ being a prince demands being modest, even. it's an important part of the job. ] Still, that isn't just a trait for nobility. Anyone can want to do... more. To make a difference.
[ he's always been drawn to that—it's the sort of conviction that immediately made him attached to link. ]
[SIDON REALLY HAS TO PUT UP WITH HIS BULLSHIT BAD SELF-ESTEEM... The quickness Sidon throws everything out the window.]
I'll never... [He laughs wryly.] How do you always know what to say? At every occasion, no matter what it is. You always know the right thing to say. I'm jealous.
[He shakes his head and pushes his hand back through his hair again.]
I know. I understand. Just... things are different in Piltover and Zaun. Socially, like I said. The councilmen aren't even born into the role. They're elected by vote. But... it doesn't mean they don't see themselves above others. Not even the councilmen. People in Piltover are the same about people from Zaun.
[He waves his hand dismissively.]
Sorry. Politics. I'm not really involved... I'm just an inventor and former Academy student. I don't think you're wrong, is what I mean to say. It's just always been different for me.
[ imagine, if you will, life as one of the handful of people who do not actively hate themselves. even on the days where his confidence takes a dive, he's not hitting the self-loathing juice. he answers brightly, a pleased little swish of his head-tail. ]
Hah—I just say what's on my mind!
[ he's not mipha, universally adored, but at least he's good at connecting with people. usually, anyway. there are people here who make him realize he still has a long way to go, like viktor. ]
...The more you tell me of your homeworld, the more I can see what hardships you've had to endure, my friend. There are Zora who look poorly on Hylians, but it isn't endemic. [ they don't have massive gaps of social standing. hyrule is a bountiful land, capable of supporting so much life. ] You've spent your life swimming in the dark. It makes you feel some great distance between you and others, who live closer to the surface. [ people like royalty. people who have looked down on him and zaun. ] Is that it?
[As much as Viktor complains, he appreciates Sidon's honesty. It's refreshing. He doesn't have any weird ass terrain to navigate. Sidon is just... honest.
Also... this assessment is more true than Sidon realizes. Being from Zaun is one mark against him, but more than that, he has always had a bad leg. The disability is even more Othering than the Undercity birth. An outcast. Separated from a different sort of society. There are more mutant humanoids in the Undercity than in Piltover.
Because of all of this, he connects more easily with non-humans. With people like Lucien, like Sidon.]
Yes... It's... I don't know how to explain humans to you really. But when you're different... they don't exactly want much to do with you. Especially when you're kids. So... I never really had any friends. I couldn't go where many of the kids went, and a lot of them made fun of me anyway.
[ he's had a lot of chats about humans since he's gotten here. they can be cruel. is it a human thing? an intellectual mortal thing? he's quiet a moment. ]
You know—there were a handful of people ready to attack me when we got here.
[ there's no grudge in his voice. he doesn't mind at all, and the people who did had their reasons, and it'd never gone beyond a first meeting—he has a disarming enough personality. still, of course he notices being different. it's impossible not to.
he's just never had to live his whole life as an outcast, where his own home might not even have a place for him. viktor has had that awareness, that knowledge of being different, being other, for his whole life. he smiles, swaying enough to bump against viktor's side. ]
But you were never afraid! Not from the moment you saw me. [ ... ] ...I'm sorry that people treated you so unkindly. [ he thinks about the little boat he'd picked up, a brilliant toy made up as a byproduct of loneliness. ] I'm grateful that it made you compassionate, rather than cold.
[The way his expression crumples when he hears that. It's true he can logically understand people stumbling out of the stasis pods confused and scared, BUT STILL. Sidon should not be treated that way even so.
He's already shaking his head dismissively when Sidon tries to steer the conversation back to him.]
There are... [He pauses, not sure how to say what he wants when trying to explain it to someone else not from Runeterra.] There are races like yours in the Undercity. Um... [Gesturing at all of Sidon.] Bats, sharks, other... humanoid, but non-human races.
It was actually... a relief to see you. I thought... you and Lucien... were from the Undercity. I thought [a wry laugh] I wasn't alone here, I guess.
[Being bothered by two people he felt a connection to almost immediately because he's stupid.
Both of his brows rise in shock afterward, though. Is this what he sounds like regularly?]
N-No... No! It's not that--I don't! It's... um, the opppsite. It's--complicated. I...
[He does not know where the FCK to start with this at all. Hello?]
Sorry, I'm... terrible at explaining... [He shakes his head, frustrated.] No, I mean... you and Lucien became important to me... unbelievably quickly. We were cursed, so I thought... it had just been the curse.
I thought Lucien was also cursed later! But he is just an idiot. He kept [HE GETS SO EMBARASSED SORRY his face really gets red] kissing me, but it was the night before I died, so...
[A helpless shrug.]
I'm so... I've never done this before in my life. I've never paid any attention to it-- Why would I? No one ever... I was just a cripple to everyone, unattractive. So I focused instead on my work and studies, then in Hextech. My body was already ruined, so I didn't think anything wrong with... using it to test my work. To test the Hex Core.
I don't know what to do with all of this... attention. I've never been so confused in my life.
[ (viktor voice) strangely i enjoy being liked by other people who i also like
he will spare him the embarrassment of saying aloud that the flustering is endearing. he is also not at all shocked to hear that lucien moves so quickly. they obviously have a connection? who would've guessed, besides literally the entire game.
but there's some other details there that are a little... dire. he leans in to meet his eyes. ]
No one can be a genius at all things, Viktor. But don't abuse yourself that way any longer.
[ he's firm in saying so, serious, but eases into a more sympathetic smile. ]
I'm sorry for complicating things for you. [ ....... ] Hm. Actually, no, I'm not! I think you should see what it's like, to be cared after! You should live knowing that people find you attractive! [ HE'S NOT THAT SORRY. then, a tiny pause. maybe bordering on some sheepishness. ] I love many people, but—it is confusing for me as well, sometimes. Emotions are not a very quantifiable thing. The curse was at once enlightening and mystifying.
[ his approach is a little simpler, though. ]
But if you don't dislike my attention, or his, then why not just accept it?
[Thank you for sparing him IN THIS THREAD AT LEAST, Sidon. Also, shut up. No one knows this, definitely not Viktor of all people. Well, he knows a little, but is looking away in bafflement.
Please don't lean in and look him in the eyes. He doesn't want to turn his head away, so he just adverts his eyes and hikes one shoulder, shy, confused.]
You don't have to apolog-- [Oh. Nevermind. This startles him enough he looks back at Sidon. EXCEPT WHAT SIDON SAYS MAKES HIM EMBARRASSED. Don't care for him?! HE ASHED A GIRL.] I--um, no, n-no...
I... mean, I... don't think I have much choice than to accept it, do I? You both... are pretty bold... [His brows furrow.] I don't know... how to talk to Lucien about it since we're... I don't want to waste a letter on... that.
[i cant remember if they knew about letters in this thread yet and im too lazy to look it's fine]
[ he will wait (1) pc before starting to bother him on purpose. right now, there's too much else to sort out. he smiles when he catches his eye, even if it's just for a flustered moment, and it is an implicit agreement—yes, he is bold. yes, he will continue to be plainly affectionate. viktor is too shy to do more than vaguely absorb all the Feelings being thrown at him, but he's not rejecting them.
at the same time, sidon wants him to work out whatever is happening with lucien. he is the type of person who can want both. ]
It isn't a waste! Of everyone, he gets the most information from us every week already. Why not use your letters for sentiment instead? You were separated so cruelly, it is worth working out your feelings.
[WELL, THAT SOUNDS EMBARRASSING. Pouring your feelings out in a plane-crossed letter to a dude you knew for, like, two weeks and have only since seen as an intangible ghost? Yeah, ok.
He kind of shakes his head with reluctance.]
I don't know if Lucien is that sort of man.
[To want to read letters about feelings. Lucien's own letter was very "I'm garbo at letter feelings for the record." Viktor finally glances back.]
You would... want to even do that? You don't have to waste one of your letters just for this.
[ whyyyyyyy is everyone so allergic to feelings. it's really sidon and dahut against the world here. some people find it easier to write down emotions than to voice them aloud. it's not that bad. ]
Oh, it's all right—most of what I have to say could go on HER-MES anyway.
[ he does save his most vulnerable thoughts for letters. but he's polite enough to keep personal matters involving other people to private correspondence. this can take priority.
then, a pause. he drops his head to plant a kiss on viktor's hair. fun. ]
In any case... don't let it bother you! You don't need all the answers right away. It isn't some problem with a solution to find. Just... know that I care! That's what's important to me.
[For some reason, the kiss to the head makes him almost more shy than if Sidon had smacked him on the lips. (That's a lie, he would have sunk into the floor if that happened.)
He rubs timidly at the back of his neck beneath his hair.]
It feels like there should be an answer and a solution so you aren't having to stay unsure. I'll... send him a letter, I guess. He'll probably hate reading it. Maybe that's better for me, getting on his nerves in return.
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
no subject
Quietly:] Sorry... I just... feel like more of a burden than others would normally be. [When your body is failing, you have a lot of shame.]
It's alright... I know you do.
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Your presence is never a burden.
[ he just affirmed that he loves being around viktor? hello? but he's realized that the damage he's sustained over so many years is carved deep into him. he hadn't understood why he'd been ready to fight scien. he hadn't comprehended basically any act of basic decency given his way. ]
I'm starting to believe you think too highly of me. That you would think your company is some weight I must bear.
no subject
[He releases Sidon only so he can meander somewhere nearby to sit down. His leg, though not connected to the Hex Core, isn't as bad as it once was; however, his back is still not great.]
I'm sure your world is vastly different than anything I've ever experienced in my whole life. Even being un Piltover. I am just a sewer rat in comparison. Socially, I mean.
But anyway... I don't mean to... divide us like that. I hate the idea.
no subject
Good! I hate it too.
[ but his displeasure bleeds out into thoughtfulness in a cant of his head. his tone turns almost staid compared to the norm, serious. ]
Royalty isn't about status so much as a responsibility you are born into. I serve a higher calling—that doesn't mean I exist above others. [ being a prince demands being modest, even. it's an important part of the job. ] Still, that isn't just a trait for nobility. Anyone can want to do... more. To make a difference.
[ he's always been drawn to that—it's the sort of conviction that immediately made him attached to link. ]
no subject
I'll never... [He laughs wryly.] How do you always know what to say? At every occasion, no matter what it is. You always know the right thing to say. I'm jealous.
[He shakes his head and pushes his hand back through his hair again.]
I know. I understand. Just... things are different in Piltover and Zaun. Socially, like I said. The councilmen aren't even born into the role. They're elected by vote. But... it doesn't mean they don't see themselves above others. Not even the councilmen. People in Piltover are the same about people from Zaun.
[He waves his hand dismissively.]
Sorry. Politics. I'm not really involved... I'm just an inventor and former Academy student. I don't think you're wrong, is what I mean to say. It's just always been different for me.
no subject
Hah—I just say what's on my mind!
[ he's not mipha, universally adored, but at least he's good at connecting with people. usually, anyway. there are people here who make him realize he still has a long way to go, like viktor. ]
...The more you tell me of your homeworld, the more I can see what hardships you've had to endure, my friend. There are Zora who look poorly on Hylians, but it isn't endemic. [ they don't have massive gaps of social standing. hyrule is a bountiful land, capable of supporting so much life. ] You've spent your life swimming in the dark. It makes you feel some great distance between you and others, who live closer to the surface. [ people like royalty. people who have looked down on him and zaun. ] Is that it?
no subject
Also... this assessment is more true than Sidon realizes. Being from Zaun is one mark against him, but more than that, he has always had a bad leg. The disability is even more Othering than the Undercity birth. An outcast. Separated from a different sort of society. There are more mutant humanoids in the Undercity than in Piltover.
Because of all of this, he connects more easily with non-humans. With people like Lucien, like Sidon.]
Yes... It's... I don't know how to explain humans to you really. But when you're different... they don't exactly want much to do with you. Especially when you're kids. So... I never really had any friends. I couldn't go where many of the kids went, and a lot of them made fun of me anyway.
no subject
You know—there were a handful of people ready to attack me when we got here.
[ there's no grudge in his voice. he doesn't mind at all, and the people who did had their reasons, and it'd never gone beyond a first meeting—he has a disarming enough personality. still, of course he notices being different. it's impossible not to.
he's just never had to live his whole life as an outcast, where his own home might not even have a place for him. viktor has had that awareness, that knowledge of being different, being other, for his whole life. he smiles, swaying enough to bump against viktor's side. ]
But you were never afraid! Not from the moment you saw me. [ ... ] ...I'm sorry that people treated you so unkindly. [ he thinks about the little boat he'd picked up, a brilliant toy made up as a byproduct of loneliness. ] I'm grateful that it made you compassionate, rather than cold.
no subject
He's already shaking his head dismissively when Sidon tries to steer the conversation back to him.]
There are... [He pauses, not sure how to say what he wants when trying to explain it to someone else not from Runeterra.] There are races like yours in the Undercity. Um... [Gesturing at all of Sidon.] Bats, sharks, other... humanoid, but non-human races.
It was actually... a relief to see you. I thought... you and Lucien... were from the Undercity. I thought [a wry laugh] I wasn't alone here, I guess.
no subject
the way viktor stubbornly refuses his compliments! stubborn, stubborn. how is he supposed to encourage him? he'll find a way eventually. ]
Well, you weren't completely wrong. Neither of us will let you be.
[ STUCK WITH THESE MONSTERS ]
But is this what you wanted to explain? That you feel this distance with me, too?
no subject
Strangely, I actually... don't mind it.
[Being bothered by two people he felt a connection to almost immediately because he's stupid.
Both of his brows rise in shock afterward, though. Is this what he sounds like regularly?]
N-No... No! It's not that--I don't! It's... um, the opppsite. It's--complicated. I...
[He does not know where the FCK to start with this at all. Hello?]
Sorry, I'm... terrible at explaining... [He shakes his head, frustrated.] No, I mean... you and Lucien became important to me... unbelievably quickly. We were cursed, so I thought... it had just been the curse.
I thought Lucien was also cursed later! But he is just an idiot. He kept [HE GETS SO EMBARASSED SORRY his face really gets red] kissing me, but it was the night before I died, so...
[A helpless shrug.]
I'm so... I've never done this before in my life. I've never paid any attention to it-- Why would I? No one ever... I was just a cripple to everyone, unattractive. So I focused instead on my work and studies, then in Hextech. My body was already ruined, so I didn't think anything wrong with... using it to test my work. To test the Hex Core.
I don't know what to do with all of this... attention. I've never been so confused in my life.
no subject
he will spare him the embarrassment of saying aloud that the flustering is endearing. he is also not at all shocked to hear that lucien moves so quickly. they obviously have a connection? who would've guessed, besides literally the entire game.
but there's some other details there that are a little... dire. he leans in to meet his eyes. ]
No one can be a genius at all things, Viktor. But don't abuse yourself that way any longer.
[ he's firm in saying so, serious, but eases into a more sympathetic smile. ]
I'm sorry for complicating things for you. [ ....... ] Hm. Actually, no, I'm not! I think you should see what it's like, to be cared after! You should live knowing that people find you attractive! [ HE'S NOT THAT SORRY. then, a tiny pause. maybe bordering on some sheepishness. ] I love many people, but—it is confusing for me as well, sometimes. Emotions are not a very quantifiable thing. The curse was at once enlightening and mystifying.
[ his approach is a little simpler, though. ]
But if you don't dislike my attention, or his, then why not just accept it?
no subject
Please don't lean in and look him in the eyes. He doesn't want to turn his head away, so he just adverts his eyes and hikes one shoulder, shy, confused.]
You don't have to apolog-- [Oh. Nevermind. This startles him enough he looks back at Sidon. EXCEPT WHAT SIDON SAYS MAKES HIM EMBARRASSED. Don't care for him?! HE ASHED A GIRL.] I--um, no, n-no...
I... mean, I... don't think I have much choice than to accept it, do I? You both... are pretty bold... [His brows furrow.] I don't know... how to talk to Lucien about it since we're... I don't want to waste a letter on... that.
[i cant remember if they knew about letters in this thread yet and im too lazy to look it's fine]
no subject
at the same time, sidon wants him to work out whatever is happening with lucien. he is the type of person who can want both. ]
It isn't a waste! Of everyone, he gets the most information from us every week already. Why not use your letters for sentiment instead? You were separated so cruelly, it is worth working out your feelings.
[ he's pensive a moment, canting his head. ]
Maybe I ought to talk to him too...
no subject
He kind of shakes his head with reluctance.]
I don't know if Lucien is that sort of man.
[To want to read letters about feelings. Lucien's own letter was very "I'm garbo at letter feelings for the record." Viktor finally glances back.]
You would... want to even do that? You don't have to waste one of your letters just for this.
no subject
Oh, it's all right—most of what I have to say could go on HER-MES anyway.
[ he does save his most vulnerable thoughts for letters. but he's polite enough to keep personal matters involving other people to private correspondence. this can take priority.
then, a pause. he drops his head to plant a kiss on viktor's hair. fun. ]
In any case... don't let it bother you! You don't need all the answers right away. It isn't some problem with a solution to find. Just... know that I care! That's what's important to me.
no subject
He rubs timidly at the back of his neck beneath his hair.]
It feels like there should be an answer and a solution so you aren't having to stay unsure. I'll... send him a letter, I guess. He'll probably hate reading it. Maybe that's better for me, getting on his nerves in return.