He's left staring into the middle distance with his mouth slightly open, the weight of the amulet in his palm much heavier than it had been before. His fingers curl over it regardless.
He's not entirely sure why his eyes burn; the water swells up in them, but doesn't really fall. When he glances down, his bottom lip pinches beneath his top teeth in an effort to somehow stay as detached as possible which is difficult. Maybe it's the leftover desperation and fear, like a nightmare. Maybe it's watching people get scraped clean from the inside like a cantaloupe.]
Sorry.
[The apology is more for his reaction, of course, than it is for being forced to perceive something private. It's not unlike stepping on consecrated ground with shoes on. Blasphemous, shameful.
The knuckles of the hand gripping the staff can't turn white, so it's the hopping currents of energy that give away how tightly it's clenched. He curls the amulet idly against his chest like a keepsake.]
I saw... Sorry.
[Well, now he can see why Lucien had been so addled before, too.]
[ it's all very disorienting, yeah. at least lucien has seen this as it happened as well, eyes more watching the amulet than anything.
he's not as good at comforting touch, but he'll reach out a hand to gently place it over viktor's, where he's clenching the amulet. maybe a little bit shamefully. ]
[His previous words feel kind of in poor taste after all of that.]
Good.
[He pushes Lucien's hand back, but only so he can step forward and wrap that arm around Lucien's neck. He hugs Lucien tightly to himself, keeping the staff out of the way, clutching the amulet in his fist.]
You were young. I know if you had the power, you would have done things differently.
[ well, maybe. but it’s a joke lucien keeps making himself so obviously he is participatory in that bad taste himself. even worse taste, because he HAS fed people to a hag.
anyway it’s nice he believes that. he thinks so, but he doesn’t know the way he would deal with it now would be much better. leaning into the hug, nodding slightly. ]
Not cursed or anything either, unless you consider my blood cursed.
[He knows Lucien maybe would because... he would have, too. Done things differently. If he hadn't been crippled and cast aside as a child, if he had not been terminally ill at what is meant to be the peak of life.]
You aren't the only one with cursed blood.
[He loosens his arm and draws back, but not away. He runs his thumb over the amulet in his hand between them, and then he puts it on. It's out right now, but he will probably hide it later between his skin and his clothes because it is now very important to him.]
We're going to change the world, Lucien. The two of us, the right way. We're going to make it better for the people who come after.
[ very sexy and goth to carry around a bit of your boyfriend’s blood, yeah. anyway he can Mind Rend (non-fatal only) now if Scien is really annoying him.
Lucien’s gaze flicks to the Hex Core in its housing again when viktor says change the world. It’s certainly idealistic. He’s never been an altruist, and has only ever done much of what he’s done in the world for a select few people he cares about deeply and the bare basics of survival. A deep and unsettling rage against a system that takes crippled children and mangy orphans and builds empires on their backs. And when those efforts began to fail, his option was to destroy the world for its sins instead. molly has always been the balance to that. leaving things a little bit better, as a balance to leaving it a little bit worse. so despite all his grandiosity he’s not actually certain of his own resolve to change the WORLD. they are both the scarred and sewn-together ghoulish creations of a cruel and violent reality, and any world they create will bear those scars too, won’t it?
still.
there probably is a lot of good in a world where viktor has some peace and time to do the things he wants to do. big or small. it sounds kind of nice to think about getting to see that. he wouldn’t mind seeing it a little better than he left it. or maybe that’s the mollymauk thought he can’t quite separate from his own at this point.
but speaking of small steps: ]
Amalthea seems to believe it will be possible to retrieve Cree. I don’t know the mechanics of it, exactly, but I suppose I have to take her at her word. [ amalthea is not one of the super science types but he still believes her. ] She doesn’t have to come with us, or anything. Might be better for everyone if she doesn’t - I just … owe her a fresh start somewhere. She can take it or leave it at her will. She’s a talented cleric, however.
[ viktor has a lot of impressive sounding options already it seems like, though. ]
[They can teeter together on the precipice of staying good people, or becoming bad people. Sometimes, you simply stay on that precipice forever, rocking back and forth, never stepping back and never falling over.
The amulet of boyfriend blood is his to covet always.
His eyes lift to study Lucien's face, and he follows the gaze to the Hex Core before looking back again.]
I could have never even... dreamed of a day where so many people were able to... just bypass something like... illness, death. [He's overwhelmed by the possibilities.] We'll get Cree for you, Lucien. It's alright.
If you want her to come with us, that's okay, too. She's your... friend? I can't possible ask you to come with me to a world belonging to a friend and not extend to you the same courtesy.
If we're able to do that, it'd be her choice. She's followed me enough places.
[ friend seems a understated word for it. extremely codependent platonic queer-bond vibes. though shamefully on lucien's part I think cree is a little more soul-bonded to him than he is in return. always his shadow.
reaching over to tuck some of viktor's hair behind his ear, studying his face in return for a moment. ]
The tucked hair looks like it doesn't want to stay, looping around his ear, fluffy. Probably because he has this stimming habit Lucien may have spotted where he twists the hair around and around his finger idly when he's engrossed in something, studying it, working. He's trained the thing to be unruly.]
[ his fluffy hair is really adorable though, and his stimming habit is going to help lucien's curly hair routinue so much. the subreddit will be envious.
poking a gentle claw against one of his moles. ]
Aye. The glint. Cree always said not everyone can see, but it's a shine. As likely to be a blessing as a curse. Bristling with destiny. A shiny coin, but one the Matron of Ravens is like to notice, hm?
[Unlocked the secret to a good curly hair routine: have a partner who will twist them all repeatedly because they always have to be doing something with their hands.
That eye squints closed briefly.]
Not sure if I really want to be a shiny bauble for a, um, raven matron...? Sounds ominous.
[ he sort of chuckles at this reaction, because it is very dramatic and he did it that way to be dramatic. pulling his hand out of biting range. ]
And fate, of course. The Claret Orders are big fans, considering the legend goes that she's the originator of Blood Magic. So they were always on with the prayers and such.
Don't make that face, I'm not particularly religious myself.
[The bite Lucien deserves is lost so quickly in his brain.]
You could have lead with that part, Lucien. I can't say I'm a fan of the idea of being plucked out of the cosmic soup by a matron of death and fate just because I shine once in the light.
Honestly, can't people just live their lives normally without all that...
You were about to blow yourself up is what you were about to do--metaphorically.
[DON'T BE A SHIT. He glances at the Hex Core which is really having the best time of its life twirling in this wizardry machinist prison despite. Quickly:]
Absolutely not. Can't you think of a less theatrical hobby to take up, Lucien? Like... gardening, or something.
[ aw. picking up his habits. lucien scoffs a bit in return because hes still not entirely unconvinced his plan wouldn’t have worked, he’s just decided not to do it now. ]
I’ve got a black thumb.
[ moving to go circle around him a bit to inspect the core. still not touching as instructed. ]
And you wouldn’t like me if I only cared about gardening.
[ he assumes viktor likes him BECAUSE of his insanity, not despite it. ]
[It's what happens when you spend too much time with someone.]
It's starting to look like we could use a black thumb actually.
[His head turns to watch Lucien circle, and he stands in place to allow it. The prism really is this Eldritch, awful thing. The familiar organic edges of it quiver, stretching out and back in as it spins. It sings still in the back of Lucien's brain, making it comfortably fuzzy. The glowing center looks bottomless, easy to get drawn into and disappear.
Not unlike the void Lucien was dropped inside.]
It's dangerous to touch, but... for reference, it... takes blood. To start the transmutation. I'm sure you're familiar with that part of exchanges.
[ he doesn’t stare at it too long, considering what happened when he tried that before. he’ll go sit himself down somewhere at this point - probably whatever surface viktor was trying to do work on in here. ]
You mentioned. And I saw the— [ he gestures across his body. the runes and all. ]
Quickly, his eyes dart down toward the floor, and his hand tightens on the staff. The look of his body still holds a kind of shame because of what he's put it through, but more than that, the idea he was doing something incredibly stupid with a dangerous thing out of desperation.]
Right. You don't have to-- [His eyes flicker up, then down again.] There are a lot of options now, so you don't have to... with the Core... You can decide on something else.
[ it's not as if he's any different in that regard, covered in a vast constellation of scars for the bloodletting. leaning forward, trying to catch his eye. ]
... Don't back down so easily. You were so confident before, yes? Scien said you were quite possessive of the cure for me, even.
[He glances up, seeming both disgruntled and embarrassed Scien just RUNS HIS MOUTH!!!!!
The look away to the side is the embarrassment, but he does end up looking back again.]
I wanted to be the one to do it, yes. To... help you. But... it's more important to me that it is done... in a way where you will be alright with as little pain as possible, and you will... be with me at the end.
[ he thought it was very romantic of him in a sort of fucked up way and the fact it was fucked up is even more romantic.
gesturing widely, still trying to keep his gaze, so he knows he means it. he is not always great at selling sincerity but he is trying to here. ]
Well, to that end, I want you to be the one to do it. I trust you more than anyone else here, and you seem to have a vested interest in keeping me around, so I imagine the choice you make will be the correct one. We'll do it your way, whatever way you choose that to be.
[ he's not afraid of the hex core if viktor isn't. ]
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He's left staring into the middle distance with his mouth slightly open, the weight of the amulet in his palm much heavier than it had been before. His fingers curl over it regardless.
He's not entirely sure why his eyes burn; the water swells up in them, but doesn't really fall. When he glances down, his bottom lip pinches beneath his top teeth in an effort to somehow stay as detached as possible which is difficult. Maybe it's the leftover desperation and fear, like a nightmare. Maybe it's watching people get scraped clean from the inside like a cantaloupe.]
Sorry.
[The apology is more for his reaction, of course, than it is for being forced to perceive something private. It's not unlike stepping on consecrated ground with shoes on. Blasphemous, shameful.
The knuckles of the hand gripping the staff can't turn white, so it's the hopping currents of energy that give away how tightly it's clenched. He curls the amulet idly against his chest like a keepsake.]
I saw... Sorry.
[Well, now he can see why Lucien had been so addled before, too.]
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he's not as good at comforting touch, but he'll reach out a hand to gently place it over viktor's, where he's clenching the amulet. maybe a little bit shamefully. ]
... If it helps, she's very, very dead.
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Good.
[He pushes Lucien's hand back, but only so he can step forward and wrap that arm around Lucien's neck. He hugs Lucien tightly to himself, keeping the staff out of the way, clutching the amulet in his fist.]
You were young. I know if you had the power, you would have done things differently.
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anyway it’s nice he believes that. he thinks so, but he doesn’t know the way he would deal with it now would be much better. leaning into the hug, nodding slightly. ]
Not cursed or anything either, unless you consider my blood cursed.
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You aren't the only one with cursed blood.
[He loosens his arm and draws back, but not away. He runs his thumb over the amulet in his hand between them, and then he puts it on. It's out right now, but he will probably hide it later between his skin and his clothes because it is now very important to him.]
We're going to change the world, Lucien. The two of us, the right way. We're going to make it better for the people who come after.
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[ very sexy and goth to carry around a bit of your boyfriend’s blood, yeah. anyway he can Mind Rend (non-fatal only) now if Scien is really annoying him.
Lucien’s gaze flicks to the Hex Core in its housing again when viktor says change the world. It’s certainly idealistic. He’s never been an altruist, and has only ever done much of what he’s done in the world for a select few people he cares about deeply and the bare basics of survival. A deep and unsettling rage against a system that takes crippled children and mangy orphans and builds empires on their backs. And when those efforts began to fail, his option was to destroy the world for its sins instead. molly has always been the balance to that. leaving things a little bit better, as a balance to leaving it a little bit worse. so despite all his grandiosity he’s not actually certain of his own resolve to change the WORLD. they are both the scarred and sewn-together ghoulish creations of a cruel and violent reality, and any world they create will bear those scars too, won’t it?
still.
there probably is a lot of good in a world where viktor has some peace and time to do the things he wants to do. big or small. it sounds kind of nice to think about getting to see that. he wouldn’t mind seeing it a little better than he left it. or maybe that’s the mollymauk thought he can’t quite separate from his own at this point.
but speaking of small steps: ]
Amalthea seems to believe it will be possible to retrieve Cree. I don’t know the mechanics of it, exactly, but I suppose I have to take her at her word. [ amalthea is not one of the super science types but he still believes her. ] She doesn’t have to come with us, or anything. Might be better for everyone if she doesn’t - I just … owe her a fresh start somewhere. She can take it or leave it at her will. She’s a talented cleric, however.
[ viktor has a lot of impressive sounding options already it seems like, though. ]
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The amulet of boyfriend blood is his to covet always.
His eyes lift to study Lucien's face, and he follows the gaze to the Hex Core before looking back again.]
I could have never even... dreamed of a day where so many people were able to... just bypass something like... illness, death. [He's overwhelmed by the possibilities.] We'll get Cree for you, Lucien. It's alright.
If you want her to come with us, that's okay, too. She's your... friend? I can't possible ask you to come with me to a world belonging to a friend and not extend to you the same courtesy.
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[ friend seems a understated word for it. extremely codependent platonic queer-bond vibes. though shamefully on lucien's part I think cree is a little more soul-bonded to him than he is in return. always his shadow.
reaching over to tuck some of viktor's hair behind his ear, studying his face in return for a moment. ]
She'd like you I think. You've the Glint as well.
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The tucked hair looks like it doesn't want to stay, looping around his ear, fluffy. Probably because he has this stimming habit Lucien may have spotted where he twists the hair around and around his finger idly when he's engrossed in something, studying it, working. He's trained the thing to be unruly.]
Glint...?
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poking a gentle claw against one of his moles. ]
Aye. The glint. Cree always said not everyone can see, but it's a shine. As likely to be a blessing as a curse. Bristling with destiny. A shiny coin, but one the Matron of Ravens is like to notice, hm?
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That eye squints closed briefly.]
Not sure if I really want to be a shiny bauble for a, um, raven matron...? Sounds ominous.
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Only the goddess of Death.
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Goddess of what?!
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And fate, of course. The Claret Orders are big fans, considering the legend goes that she's the originator of Blood Magic. So they were always on with the prayers and such.
Don't make that face, I'm not particularly religious myself.
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You could have lead with that part, Lucien. I can't say I'm a fan of the idea of being plucked out of the cosmic soup by a matron of death and fate just because I shine once in the light.
Honestly, can't people just live their lives normally without all that...
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[ grinning at him briefly because he loves being a shit, gesturing at the Hex Core. ]
Well, we're worshipping this instead, yes?
[ JOKING, A JOKE, BY THE WAY. ]
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You were about to blow yourself up is what you were about to do--metaphorically.
[DON'T BE A SHIT. He glances at the Hex Core which is really having the best time of its life twirling in this wizardry machinist prison despite. Quickly:]
Absolutely not. Can't you think of a less theatrical hobby to take up, Lucien? Like... gardening, or something.
[THIS COMING FROM HIM.]
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I’ve got a black thumb.
[ moving to go circle around him a bit to inspect the core. still not touching as instructed. ]
And you wouldn’t like me if I only cared about gardening.
[ he assumes viktor likes him BECAUSE of his insanity, not despite it. ]
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It's starting to look like we could use a black thumb actually.
[His head turns to watch Lucien circle, and he stands in place to allow it. The prism really is this Eldritch, awful thing. The familiar organic edges of it quiver, stretching out and back in as it spins. It sings still in the back of Lucien's brain, making it comfortably fuzzy. The glowing center looks bottomless, easy to get drawn into and disappear.
Not unlike the void Lucien was dropped inside.]
It's dangerous to touch, but... for reference, it... takes blood. To start the transmutation. I'm sure you're familiar with that part of exchanges.
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You mentioned. And I saw the— [ he gestures across his body. the runes and all. ]
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Quickly, his eyes dart down toward the floor, and his hand tightens on the staff. The look of his body still holds a kind of shame because of what he's put it through, but more than that, the idea he was doing something incredibly stupid with a dangerous thing out of desperation.]
Right. You don't have to-- [His eyes flicker up, then down again.] There are a lot of options now, so you don't have to... with the Core... You can decide on something else.
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... Don't back down so easily. You were so confident before, yes? Scien said you were quite possessive of the cure for me, even.
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The look away to the side is the embarrassment, but he does end up looking back again.]
I wanted to be the one to do it, yes. To... help you. But... it's more important to me that it is done... in a way where you will be alright with as little pain as possible, and you will... be with me at the end.
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gesturing widely, still trying to keep his gaze, so he knows he means it. he is not always great at selling sincerity but he is trying to here. ]
Well, to that end, I want you to be the one to do it. I trust you more than anyone else here, and you seem to have a vested interest in keeping me around, so I imagine the choice you make will be the correct one. We'll do it your way, whatever way you choose that to be.
[ he's not afraid of the hex core if viktor isn't. ]
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He smiles, exasperated but resigned.]
Your arm will probably look like...
[Motions a little with the purple hand as if he thinks this is somehow going to be an issue for Lucien.
Who is purple already.]
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