He is quiet, and it's obvious by how he keeps looking Lucien's way he wants to ask more, but also respects privacy and boundaries because he is the soft side of their same coin.]
Sometimes, when I was younger, I would have dreams about Rio.
[He straightens his head so he can have something to do with his hands while he talks, so he can go back to sewing.]
Rio was a creature a former mentor of mine had made through unethical science. She was... like a giant pink salamander, very sweet. I would go to help him feed her. I already knew she was dying because he told me that when we first met.
But one day, I went to feed her, and I found her suffocating and shriveled on the ground, connected to his tubing, being kept alive. I was horrified. She looked terrible. And then he put her in a stasis tube like the chambers we crawled out of here in the beginning.
I use to dream about her gasping for breath all the time, her eyes glazed over.
[He's stopped sewing without realizing, his hands quivering.]
Now I... dream about Sky being ripped apart by the Hex Core trying to stop me from being a fool.
[ tightening the arm around his waist, but he doesn't sit up, not wanting to disrupt him. sometimes it's better to say these things without having to also enter the battlefield of pitying looks or too kind words that can't possibly capture the whole of it.
he hesitates, because this is the story that cree had to threaten him with a knife at his neck for, and even then he was debating accepting the blade than speak it aloud. but you know. an eye for an eye. a story for a story. ]
My older brother. There was a gap between us two younger ones and him, 5 years or so. He'd always take the worst of it - my father's drinking, and all - kept an eye out for us. But like I said, my parents had debts. The Jagentoths don't tolerate being overdue, but I don't think they meant to-- they wanted to shake them up. Flash steel around, make a mother cry a bit. But they don't hire for brains in the Red Debt. Cut slightly too deep in the wrong place and someone can bleed out before you know what's happened.
My parents found a witch, willing to do the work for trade in kind. But she didn't ... whatever she put back in that body wasn't him. It would walk, and talk, could even pluck a tune, but it stank in the rain and if you didn't tell it what to do, it'd stare into nothing unblinking. Didn't sound like him. She only had a knack for puppets, you see, not the true work of returning a soul to flesh.
So I used to dream of that. Hollow puppets, and the fire. But I hardly remember his face anymore.
Now it's a thousand other things. Brevyn and where we left her, frozen in that fucking tomb because we couldn't dig her out, and people who's names and faces I don't fucking remember, who call me the wrong name and beg for me to recognize them as if they mean something to me. A mage's tower, a thousand birds singing in the rafters, and waking up in a grave and clawing my way out. The witch Azarahari and how when I killed her she didn't even beg for her life. She just died. All of our blood together in that vile mixture in the chapel, and Dahut's heart. All of it.
[Viktor is wondering why Lucien has as much baggage as he does. He doesn't like it. The coat is resting on his chest, and his head as turned again to listen to Lucien, expression soft, understanding.
He wants to say sorry, but he of all people knows sorry doesn't change anything. Sorry is the temporary band-aid you have to politely thank someone for. It's just a platitude given by people who don't understand. Gently, he bumps Lucien's chest with the side of his head. The smile he gives is weak and wry.]
We're really two of the most pathetic men, huh?
[The humor fades into something more genuine.]
Is it... terrible that I'm glad I'm not alone? That someone else had to go through awful things, yet... now I feel like there's someone who actually understands.
[ he laughs, honestly, both because it's a true thing to say and the absurdity of it. is this what you have to do these days to meet people? get kidnapped to space while people turn into worms and also die around you?
he does shift to sit up a little at this point, and because sometimes everyone in this body has the same brain disease, leans in to kiss him on the forehead. ]
Kind of terrible, yeah. But I don't mind it. Suppose I'm glad too.
His expression softens. He feels like a toddler, of course, but finds, this once, he doesn't mind it. A reluctant smile appears, small, a kind of thanks.]
I hope you'll be able to sleep well sometime soon, without those kinds of dreams. [very funny the mental health gets worse] You can try now for a little bit.
[ sometimes you just are born with the vibes of a guy who passes out forehead kisses and it kind of works for you. flopping himself back down with some irritation at being tricked into agreeing to try and sleep with feelings like a fool, clicking his tongue but getting comfortable again and letting his eyes close. ]
[Yes, he got hustled straight into obedience by way of the Feels. Suffer.
He smiles in amusement while Lucien's eyes are closed, and he goes back to the coat again.]
I will, but I must warn you, she might try to stab you to make sure.
[This is so rude to Throne, being bullied by two idiots.
He doesn't say anything after this. Quiet nap hours to Lucien. But he doesn't get up from where he's at on the bed, not even when the perpetual ache in his back grows more uncomfortable. He keeps periodically pausing to glance at Lucien's face, sort of how he did in the medbay.]
there is something about the possibility of being stabbed in his sleep that is so relaxing. he really will sleep for at least a short while, long enough for viktor to fix the coat in peace maybe, actually looking relaxed for once in his life. just to rub it in about viktor's bad back, lucien is definitely the type of guy who can sleep in any wildly contorted position and be just fine. 20 Dex privileges. ]
[When the coat is finished, he rests it on his chest. It's weird and unhinged, but he just... kind of lies there and watches Lucien sleep. Edward Cullen behavior. Less he has some absurd, twisted fascination and more he's thinking about Lucien saying the body doesn't fit.
He's studying the pieces that don't, unable to imagine what it must be like to wake up in your body having it been changed. The caps, the holes in the horns, the pieces of tattoos slithering out of the clothes. He almost dozes off himself, but the ping of his IRIS stirs him. Checking in.
He puts the coat over to the side and carefully sits up, wincing. Feels like every single vertebrae is stiff, thanks. He leans over on one hand and reaches out to card his fingers through the front of Lucien's hair. Wakey wakey.]
[ it's all evidence of a very strange little small-scale war for control, in the end. the remains of someone else waking up in a body that wasn't entirely theirs to begin with and trying to cover it in marks and symbols to make it their own, to decorate a home as they saw fit. and then the return fire of pulling out the piercings and leaving the little holes in their wake, prying loose the metal in the horns out of spite, letting the hair grow long as a way to signal he simply doesn't care about the state of it anymore.
he's groggy, half-awake from the IRIS ping anyway, groaning at him and twisting to press his face into one of the pillows. it's not cute!!! ]
He can't keep the amused smirk off his face. He lets Lucien grumble and roll over. He has more hair this time to card his fingers through, but it's more gentle, as if he isn't necessarily trying to wake Lucien up this time.]
Throne wants to meet at the food court. We still have a little while. You can keep sleeping.
[ why did any of them make this decision in retrospect. he's okay with laying here and having his hair pet, it feels kind of nice - he'll turn enough to glance an eye up at him and be able to talk. ]
[Lucien doesn't want to hear about the mechnical parts of a hydrolic system.......?
Viktor laughs, short and light.] I finished your coat. It's on the bed. [For when Lucien gets ready to leave to sneak into the food court with him last minute.
He twists around and stretches out beside Lucien on the bed, lying the same direction, but on his back. He rests his arms on his stomach.]
[He tilts his head, watching Lucien with his honey eyes. Studying Lucien's face perhaps for something. None of this he ever gave much thought at all. Why would he? It had not been important.
But death was so close it had been breathing down the back of his neck. He doesn't know how close death is here doing the same. He thinks about Throne telling him, You only have one life. You can live it however you want, but you don't get a second try. Not like lucky Lucien, getting another go.
He reaches out toward Lucien, hesitates. Then wraps his fingers around the end of one horn to pull Lucien toward himself.]
When have you ever been worried about the risks...?
[ Three goes at it so far, actually. A deeply unfair balance, if it wasn't bought and paid for in blood and tragedy. the trouble with being a favored plaything of the gods is they love to see the suffering in equal measure, it keeps the story moving along at a good clip. he's not sure what viktor is looking for here, and the studying makes him the tiniest bit antsy. shy is another emotion that's probably not in his gamut at all, but ... flustered under the inspection is close enough. ]
Not the first trap I've disarmed with my face, I suppose.
[ moving easily with the tug on his horn, partially because it's attached to his skull so it's not like he's planning on going anywhere else without it, shifting an arm to hold himself up across his shoulders so he can lean down into a kiss, reaching his free hand up to viktor's cheek - pressing the thumb against the mole there. ]
[His hand moves away from the horn as Lucien leans in, and it loops around to tangle into the hair at the back of Lucien's neck.
He smiles momentarily into the kiss because Lucien is an idiot, and even though he wants to voice this, his mouth becomes too preoccupied to do it. The first few kisses were new and awkward and exploratory. He still isn't great at it, but getting your first actual kiss from a fish dude under curse duress when the fish dude is decent at it really gives you a crash course, and what rules are there for kissing anyway.
This one is slower, longer, a kiss for learning Lucien and maybe learning himself, like opening a door and stepping in rather than simply standing on the outside.]
[ he is an idiot, but unfortunately he is a beautiful idiot so he gets away with absolutely everything. maybe that's his entire fucking problem.
there's no rules in kissing though and viktor's had a good beginner's curse-induced crash course. lucien is probably slightly less sharp thank a shark guy overall. he is also very practiced (whore) - but he's not trying to push anywhere too far or too fast. to be perfectly honest it's been a while for him and he doesn't mind the exploring, scientific study nature of it. if viktor learns anything it's that under all the hissing and spitting then lucien is probably a bit on the romantic side. it goes hand in hand with the theatrics. ]
[There is a forked, pierced tongue and fangs in his mouth right now, Lucien is definitely only slightly less sharp than the shark.
Knowing Lucien has a squishy center is half the reason Viktor bullies him so badly.
For what it's worth, going slow gradually builds Viktor's confidence. He figures out what he's supposed to do with his mouth and, more importantly, what he's supposed to do with his hands. He can kiss and twine Lucien's hair in his fingers, scratch his nails on the base of Lucien's scalp; he can kiss and feel Lucien's throat threaded with scars, fist his hand into Lucien's shirt and keep him there.]
[ he doesn't leave hickies but imagine if he did you'd have to go back and retcon his body in trial. you'd have to go comment there now that you were wrong and have amendments to make.
murmuring approval whenever viktor does something he likes, shifting to let him do whatever he'd like, encouraging, the pulse at his throat thrumming under his fingers. he runs a hand over viktor's waist - over the brace, fingers tracing the patterns of leather and metal, gentle, curious more than anything.
he can't really help but grin once the hand fists into his shirt, pressing himself closer at that - like it's an invitation. pulling back to take a break to catch his breath, and also because he can't stand not hearing the sound of his own voice for that long. reaching over to tuck some of viktor's hair behind an ear, the tips of his claws playing at the back of his neck. ]
[STOP!!!! not any worse than nu telling me at 11:55 am saturday there may be a hickey from the curse
It's like people can just turn their brains off when they make out, and this is wild to him as someone who never turns his brain off at all. Immediately, he gets embarrassed when Lucien leans back and he realizes that's exactly what happened. He actually blushes.
Trying to inconspicuously release Lucien's shirt...... He lowers his other hand to rest it on Lucien's forearm.
We can't all be experts in how to keep our mouths busy...
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He is quiet, and it's obvious by how he keeps looking Lucien's way he wants to ask more, but also respects privacy and boundaries because he is the soft side of their same coin.]
Sometimes, when I was younger, I would have dreams about Rio.
[He straightens his head so he can have something to do with his hands while he talks, so he can go back to sewing.]
Rio was a creature a former mentor of mine had made through unethical science. She was... like a giant pink salamander, very sweet. I would go to help him feed her. I already knew she was dying because he told me that when we first met.
But one day, I went to feed her, and I found her suffocating and shriveled on the ground, connected to his tubing, being kept alive. I was horrified. She looked terrible. And then he put her in a stasis tube like the chambers we crawled out of here in the beginning.
I use to dream about her gasping for breath all the time, her eyes glazed over.
[He's stopped sewing without realizing, his hands quivering.]
Now I... dream about Sky being ripped apart by the Hex Core trying to stop me from being a fool.
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he hesitates, because this is the story that cree had to threaten him with a knife at his neck for, and even then he was debating accepting the blade than speak it aloud. but you know. an eye for an eye. a story for a story. ]
My older brother. There was a gap between us two younger ones and him, 5 years or so. He'd always take the worst of it - my father's drinking, and all - kept an eye out for us. But like I said, my parents had debts. The Jagentoths don't tolerate being overdue, but I don't think they meant to-- they wanted to shake them up. Flash steel around, make a mother cry a bit. But they don't hire for brains in the Red Debt. Cut slightly too deep in the wrong place and someone can bleed out before you know what's happened.
My parents found a witch, willing to do the work for trade in kind. But she didn't ... whatever she put back in that body wasn't him. It would walk, and talk, could even pluck a tune, but it stank in the rain and if you didn't tell it what to do, it'd stare into nothing unblinking. Didn't sound like him. She only had a knack for puppets, you see, not the true work of returning a soul to flesh.
So I used to dream of that. Hollow puppets, and the fire. But I hardly remember his face anymore.
Now it's a thousand other things. Brevyn and where we left her, frozen in that fucking tomb because we couldn't dig her out, and people who's names and faces I don't fucking remember, who call me the wrong name and beg for me to recognize them as if they mean something to me. A mage's tower, a thousand birds singing in the rafters, and waking up in a grave and clawing my way out. The witch Azarahari and how when I killed her she didn't even beg for her life. She just died. All of our blood together in that vile mixture in the chapel, and Dahut's heart. All of it.
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He wants to say sorry, but he of all people knows sorry doesn't change anything. Sorry is the temporary band-aid you have to politely thank someone for. It's just a platitude given by people who don't understand. Gently, he bumps Lucien's chest with the side of his head. The smile he gives is weak and wry.]
We're really two of the most pathetic men, huh?
[The humor fades into something more genuine.]
Is it... terrible that I'm glad I'm not alone? That someone else had to go through awful things, yet... now I feel like there's someone who actually understands.
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[ he laughs, honestly, both because it's a true thing to say and the absurdity of it. is this what you have to do these days to meet people? get kidnapped to space while people turn into worms and also die around you?
he does shift to sit up a little at this point, and because sometimes everyone in this body has the same brain disease, leans in to kiss him on the forehead. ]
Kind of terrible, yeah. But I don't mind it. Suppose I'm glad too.
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His expression softens. He feels like a toddler, of course, but finds, this once, he doesn't mind it. A reluctant smile appears, small, a kind of thanks.]
I hope you'll be able to sleep well sometime soon, without those kinds of dreams. [very funny the mental health gets worse] You can try now for a little bit.
I'll look after you.
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[ sometimes you just are born with the vibes of a guy who passes out forehead kisses and it kind of works for you. flopping himself back down with some irritation at being tricked into agreeing to try and sleep with feelings like a fool, clicking his tongue but getting comfortable again and letting his eyes close. ]
If Throné walks in you can tell her I'm a corpse.
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He smiles in amusement while Lucien's eyes are closed, and he goes back to the coat again.]
I will, but I must warn you, she might try to stab you to make sure.
[This is so rude to Throne, being bullied by two idiots.
He doesn't say anything after this. Quiet nap hours to Lucien. But he doesn't get up from where he's at on the bed, not even when the perpetual ache in his back grows more uncomfortable. He keeps periodically pausing to glance at Lucien's face, sort of how he did in the medbay.]
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there is something about the possibility of being stabbed in his sleep that is so relaxing. he really will sleep for at least a short while, long enough for viktor to fix the coat in peace maybe, actually looking relaxed for once in his life. just to rub it in about viktor's bad back, lucien is definitely the type of guy who can sleep in any wildly contorted position and be just fine. 20 Dex privileges. ]
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He's studying the pieces that don't, unable to imagine what it must be like to wake up in your body having it been changed. The caps, the holes in the horns, the pieces of tattoos slithering out of the clothes. He almost dozes off himself, but the ping of his IRIS stirs him. Checking in.
He puts the coat over to the side and carefully sits up, wincing. Feels like every single vertebrae is stiff, thanks. He leans over on one hand and reaches out to card his fingers through the front of Lucien's hair. Wakey wakey.]
Lucien?
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he's groggy, half-awake from the IRIS ping anyway, groaning at him and twisting to press his face into one of the pillows. it's not cute!!! ]
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He can't keep the amused smirk off his face. He lets Lucien grumble and roll over. He has more hair this time to card his fingers through, but it's more gentle, as if he isn't necessarily trying to wake Lucien up this time.]
Throne wants to meet at the food court. We still have a little while. You can keep sleeping.
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[ why did any of them make this decision in retrospect. he's okay with laying here and having his hair pet, it feels kind of nice - he'll turn enough to glance an eye up at him and be able to talk. ]
I'm awake now.
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He smiles somewhat sheepishly and pauses to draw his hand back.]
I could always explain to you how the steam hydrolic system of the Hexgate towers function... You'll go right back to sleep.
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he's not moving yet, just watching him - snorting a bit at the joke. hopefully a joke. ]
You could do that.
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Viktor laughs, short and light.] I finished your coat. It's on the bed. [For when Lucien gets ready to leave to sneak into the food court with him last minute.
He twists around and stretches out beside Lucien on the bed, lying the same direction, but on his back. He rests his arms on his stomach.]
No refunds.
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[ not unless it's a cursed hexgate tower, no.
sitting up on his elbows, leaning over. ]
Are you going to bite me again?
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Maybe... [Threat.] Are you trying to kiss me immediately after you've woken up?
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[ threat. ]
Deciding if it's worth the risk.
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But death was so close it had been breathing down the back of his neck. He doesn't know how close death is here doing the same. He thinks about Throne telling him, You only have one life. You can live it however you want, but you don't get a second try. Not like lucky Lucien, getting another go.
He reaches out toward Lucien, hesitates. Then wraps his fingers around the end of one horn to pull Lucien toward himself.]
When have you ever been worried about the risks...?
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Not the first trap I've disarmed with my face, I suppose.
[ moving easily with the tug on his horn, partially because it's attached to his skull so it's not like he's planning on going anywhere else without it, shifting an arm to hold himself up across his shoulders so he can lean down into a kiss, reaching his free hand up to viktor's cheek - pressing the thumb against the mole there. ]
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He smiles momentarily into the kiss because Lucien is an idiot, and even though he wants to voice this, his mouth becomes too preoccupied to do it. The first few kisses were new and awkward and exploratory. He still isn't great at it, but getting your first actual kiss from a fish dude under curse duress when the fish dude is decent at it really gives you a crash course, and what rules are there for kissing anyway.
This one is slower, longer, a kiss for learning Lucien and maybe learning himself, like opening a door and stepping in rather than simply standing on the outside.]
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there's no rules in kissing though and viktor's had a good beginner's curse-induced crash course. lucien is probably slightly less sharp thank a shark guy overall. he is also very practiced (whore) - but he's not trying to push anywhere too far or too fast. to be perfectly honest it's been a while for him and he doesn't mind the exploring, scientific study nature of it. if viktor learns anything it's that under all the hissing and spitting then lucien is probably a bit on the romantic side. it goes hand in hand with the theatrics. ]
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Knowing Lucien has a squishy center is half the reason Viktor bullies him so badly.
For what it's worth, going slow gradually builds Viktor's confidence. He figures out what he's supposed to do with his mouth and, more importantly, what he's supposed to do with his hands. He can kiss and twine Lucien's hair in his fingers, scratch his nails on the base of Lucien's scalp; he can kiss and feel Lucien's throat threaded with scars, fist his hand into Lucien's shirt and keep him there.]
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murmuring approval whenever viktor does something he likes, shifting to let him do whatever he'd like, encouraging, the pulse at his throat thrumming under his fingers. he runs a hand over viktor's waist - over the brace, fingers tracing the patterns of leather and metal, gentle, curious more than anything.
he can't really help but grin once the hand fists into his shirt, pressing himself closer at that - like it's an invitation. pulling back to take a break to catch his breath, and also because he can't stand not hearing the sound of his own voice for that long. reaching over to tuck some of viktor's hair behind an ear, the tips of his claws playing at the back of his neck. ]
Quick learner.
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It's like people can just turn their brains off when they make out, and this is wild to him as someone who never turns his brain off at all. Immediately, he gets embarrassed when Lucien leans back and he realizes that's exactly what happened. He actually blushes.
Trying to inconspicuously release Lucien's shirt...... He lowers his other hand to rest it on Lucien's forearm.
We can't all be experts in how to keep our mouths busy...
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